Getting Philosophical

I’m in the mood for deep thought here. So that’s where we’re gonna take this…. It’s just AMAZING what 1 person….JUST ONE..AGAIN … ITS TOTALLY FUCKING AMAZING WHAT ONE PERSON CAN DO FOR ANOTHER PERSON. I guess it all depends on the individual when they wake up the next morning on how they feel and how they’re gonna interact with others in their lives for that day.

Today I spent 2 hours…. again I’m gonna repeat that just so i can make THAT CLEAR…TODAY I SPENT TWO (2) HOURS W SOMEONE AND HAD THE MOST FUCKING WONDERFUL TIME IVE HAD IN THE LONGEST TIME! And all that person had to do was TO SHOW THE COMPASSION HE FELT TOWARDS ANOTHER PERSON. TO SAY HEY, I SEE IT, AND I TOTALLY GET IT. THATS ALL HE HAD TO DO. and honestly speaking The Passion was fucken hot and just from a tender touch showing that he cared enough to take the time, I came fucking bucket fulls. And it’s really the 1st time that someone actually stopped to take the time out with me,did not want me to take my clothes off, did NOT want to rush it!  

 
You know when he stopped everything, he was not worried about him and he looked at me and he said, “you know I’m going to state the obvious that you help a lot of people out”and I just looked him and I could not help it, tears rolled down my face. The ONLY thing that I can get to come up my mouth was “THANK YOU, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT THEN. YOU MADE IT ALL OF WHAT IVE GONE THROUGH, ALL WORTH THE WHILE, IF I JUST AM ABLE TO HELP ONE PERSON TO GET THROUGH WHATEVER IT IS, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT TO ME THEN!!!!” 

You know what I did just a little while ago about less than 30 minutes ago. Nella gonna so laugh at me when I say this. I bought my 1st Mega lottery ticket in my whole life lmfao yes, I finally did.  
 

And this is where I am gonna go deep with yall.. REAL DEEP.  

Here is some things to think about….there is a reason why we have the heart the mind and the soul there is a reason they’re all connected. 

If we do not have that balance between logic compassion and spirituality, we tend to lose ourselves we tend to forget the animalistic side also needs the connection side. If one side has to much and not enough the other, it kind of throws off the balance quite a bit. and I’d have to say that the world as it is right now as a whole we have forgotten our connection sides as well as spiritual sides.  

Reminds me of my grandmother one time when I was a kid actually it was 14 my mother and her got into a fight about me and my eating habits and I can remember my grandmother screaming out in French too much is too much as too much is too much and that stayed with me all my life no matter what it is if it’s too much as too much it’s not balanced  

My mother told me one time when I was a little early tonight talking about mosquitoes and things like that in Louisiana and I can remember her saying you know there’s always got to be a balance. lite dark bad good doesn’t matter, there’s always an opposite in order to have a balance.  

You never only brought the situation up about that one person who showed me compassion who told me that I actually do help people I brought that up for a good reason because the more compassion I seem to show the more resistance I get the more hate I get every time I take a step to show my compassion to show how much I do care to show who I really am it seems like every time I do the more the each step that I take when I show care I get hatred when I show care again I get more hatred it’s a pattern I’m seeing I’m seeing a lot these days I’m seeing a whole lot these days clear as a bell now 

There is a few things I’d like to share and I think it’s time to do so.

You see, those of you want in particular that has gotten on my Facebook and call me a whore call me this call me that crack addict all this that and the other said that you knew me , you don’t know a fucking thing about me because the person that you knew three and a half years ago well she ain’t that person hell no anymore not at all but each day each matter of fact each second in the last three and a half years each second I’ve changed so I’m not that person I was when I first got here I was a broken person anyways then when all my stuff got stolen I was just even more broken but and that’s what the whole thing about this is.  

It’s been three and a half years I’ve nothing but hellacious hell very literally and I’m get to that later those specifics anyways. I just stated from get-go I do not conform I will not conform I refuse to fucking conform. Because I have refused to conform for example my family I lost my family due to me refusing to conform to bend to other people’s ways to other people’s beliefs to other people’s what the fuck ever’s I’m not other people I’m Michelle. If I did not conform to my family just because they wanted me to do something I’m not going to conform to anybody else.  

I have also said from get-go stay true to yourself and that’s what I’ve done. I’ve stayed steady I’d stayed real and I’m still on track The timing is off because of all the three years that has been going on obviously made me behind him when I was supposed to do and been doing.  

See all those writings that are not finished well for one reason or another they’re not finished so not all the stories are told so you don’t know everything like all of you think you do and

I’ve stated again this before you only know as much as I want you to know and that’s fucking it! you think you know it all you think by getting in my computer or whatever you know you don’t. and yes I’m making references to later on stories that’s coming up or not stories with whats happenings.  

I choose to share my life story not because of weakness by far. I choose to share out of strength I choose to share to give strength I choose to share to give courage

I choose to share my story my life not freaking not for the greedy not for the ones that I’m very judgmental and haters. It’s certain the hell not for the fucking entitled ones because fuck you it’s not about you.  

I choose to share because it’s been my quest my journey that I help others that because I have gone through so much I am able to have the empathy on top of being in an empath of understanding. You know when a person gets hurt so much they understand they know they know what it is they know when it takes.

I CHOOSE TO SHARE MY LIFE STORY BECAUSE …..I….AM…A ….FUCKING …SURVIVOR!!!

And I’ve always liked to understand others I’ve always been very inquisitive and as ked what others liked as a whole and as individuals. 

People have always gravitated to me and I guess it’s out of being an empath The gravitate to me to tell me their problems it’s always happened

I’ve got more secrets and you can shake a stick at from others coming to me everything from mob stories to throwing people in the swamp stories, to killing a whole family stories. You name it I’ve heard it you name it I’ve swallowed it and I’ve kept it a secret and I will die with those stories. When those stories were told to me they knew that they could come to me and I and not be judged. Just the fact that they could come to me and get something out their chest of that nature has allowed these people to die freely and not in so much shame. and I was able to give them a gift that they wouldn’t normally be able to have.  

You know I didn’t get to be in 48 years old almost 49 for nothing I didn’t live an easy life and I still ain’t still and I won’t have an easy life I never have I don’t expect it to be any easier or get any easier as it goes on I’m getting older but you did not come to this age especially those of you that are younger reading this,

you do not come to this age with living life that I’ve lived, an experiencing other things about experience just to give it up right here right now.  

Because you see I have gone from New York all the way to California Oregon Washington I’ve gone through I think ironically enough I think it was 40 something states I can’t remember I know Ashton I got him through I think 15 states during our traveling days. And a lot of that traveling was traveling with five big packed well and tight duffle bags and one very hyperactive child lol one duffle bag was of toys and my binder books that I always have with me cut always had lose sleep paper in my writing stuff with me toys and my books closed for Ashton clothes for me and of course my toy bag my toy bag if you’ve ever known or seen my collection of toys or the collection I had before they were the they were stolen my duffel bag of toys is about a hundred pounds alone. I carried five of those duffel bags and a child my purse I’m cooler for snacks on the bus with just me and him going across country. I carried all five of those bags by myself with a bad back like I’ve got. 

Here’s another secret I carry everything on my left side and I guess because of my hips I’ve got baby carrying hips my kids were always carried on my left side on my left hip. I carry bags of groceries in one armed left side left arm my right arm is free so I can open the door whatever. When I wash clothes I carry two laundry baskets full of clothes on one on my left arm. The funny part is if I was only left-handed, I’d beat the fuck out of somebody I can really do some damage if I was left-handed lol. 

Yes I am leading to something by the way 

You know if you sit here and you think about what I’ve told everyone what I’ve shared everything from when I was 10 years old to being raped by something I couldn’t see it 15 to getting married and a double shotgun wedding and 16 and being beat at 19 having a miscarriage being told that I was going to be the skinned and poor Clorox on because I wasn’t worth pissing on and the whole nine yards the whole nine yards

That’s a lot of shit I’ve come through a lot of it I put myself through and I think it’s half and half a lot of it also had to do with me seeing the good and everybody very trusting very gullible just always wanted to see the good in people.

I’m 48, you just don’t get to my age with the experiences I’ve had throughout my life both good bad and ugly and different whatever and not have wisdom. You know that’s a really big word WISDOM.

You know I keep thinking back a couple of months ago when I got that email stating that he was terrified to write me I find that very ironic. Just what is it you terrified about when it comes to me what have I done to anyone of you that would make you terrified of me what is it and answer yourselves not me because I could give a fuck less. Answer yourselves honestly what the fuck have I done to you to make you so terrified of me???  

What’s the ironic part because I’m terrified of all of you. But I have damn good reason to be.  yea we can start with all the death threats i keep getting!!!

So again you know why are you terrified of me what makes you so deathly afraid of me. Because I’m on the defensive???  

You know if you have to say that word defensive you might want to look into the reason why I might be being so fucking defensive there may be very good reasons behind that defense mechanism that I seem to be having to be in constantly here lately.  

Are you terrified of me because I do tend to intimidate men I always have because of the strength I have in me. Okay if that’s the case I can get that.  

Are you terrified of me just because I have more sexual experience or more life experience or any other number of reasons. Here’s what I found in my life since I was a little girl like I can remember being in first grade and being in bluebirds okay I can remember that I was judged and I cared then and I can remember that very vividly. The only thing that judgment hate and prejudiced that I’ve seen so far has ever accomplished is holding people back holding your own self back from life itself. When you have gone through the life I have gone through you look around at life you know what value of life is because your life itself has not been valued so the volume of life becomes more valuable when you have the kind of things that’s happened to me done to you or that you’ve gone through. So when you understand the value in a life itself you understand and you see the beauty within that life within that value it becomes more precious it becomes more valuable than gold platinum silver all of it bronze all of it combined it becomes priceless.  

The world does not know what that means these days even the person I called master here recently The gift of submission obedience because this world does not see value in a life in a human being the gift of submission is not fully understood anymore it’s because life is not valued anymore.

  june 21 now im really afraid of him

Now I’m fixing to hit a touchy subject but I’m call it like it is and it’s true we are going through the black lives matter right now and I know that I’ll never be in those shoes and I don’t compare myself to be in those shoes but here’s the truth of the matter about me those of you who have judged me recently in these last few years a lot of you are black. So if you know what profiling in judgment is on you as a black person why have you sat and put judgment on me just because for whatever reason you felt it necessary to judge me. And that’s a point I want to make I want to drive that home because you know and that’s what I was trying to say in my other writing when I got told that I should just die because there’s nothing left I should just die and he was a black person that was the point that I was trying to make back then a few months ago you know what judgment is but yet you sit and judge two faced I called it out like I saw it back then a couple of months ago.  

You know you may not like my writings a lot of you may think it’s negative I’m going to tell you oh here’s another thing I wanted to bring up along with this a lot of you don’t like that when you come to me seeking to be cuddled baby for me to read for you for me to do things for you don’t like it because I don’t do it for you. you don’t like coming to my website and reading what I write because it makes you uncomfortable. My writing so not to make you comfortable That’s not what they’re out to do.  

And every which way that you look when you look around me and you look at the angles of me and about me you see me stating and keeping to what I first stated from get go I am not like anybody else I do not conform. Original unique I’m an individual I am Michelle I am only Michelle and I have a hard enough time being Michelle I cannot be anybody else I am real. I’m so fucking real that I’ve been told I’m brutally real not to mention the fact that I had this thing about shock about you I enjoy the fuck out of it. Lol I get off on that because I just sit there and I’ll just tell you the truth and you’d be like nah this bitch is fucking she ain’t telling the truth no I’ll be really telling you the truth lol for real for real lol.  

I guess because my life has been that crazy lol but when you come to my website you are not going to get the same boring old thing that you’re going to get everywhere else You’re just not it ain’t me it’s not a part of me. And whether you realize it or not I don’t care if you like my writings or not first of all it’s my life like I’ve stated before secondly you can spew hatred all you want but at the end of the day when it comes down to night time and you lay in your head down on your pillow and you close in your eyes it’s only you and you alone. . And at the end of the day a lot of things you’re going to end up thinking about. And at the end of the day when you’re on your pillow and you’re close in your eyes to give your sweet dreams some of these things that I talk about if you’ve got a conscience at all they’re going to run through your head and you’re going to think about those things. I don’t write and I don’t share for your approval I share in a right for you to think about yourselves for you to look into side yourselves inside your conscious and ask yourselves things that you’ve only know I don’t want to know them.  

Staying true to myself what does that mean? For me staying steady saying consistent and for me that’s also being greatly confident having the confidence for me that’s having the backbone that I’ve got. Because you see I did not just travel the country I traveled the country on a journey. When I was in not just tracing Mississippi and I lived and I mean right across from the sign of the beginning of the Natchez Trace where it says start a Natchez Trace summer solstice, I knew at that point that I would have the backbone that many do not have the ability to have. But I was in preparation for something that I guess only I can do I’m still not quite sure on what it is yet and you know a lot of times it’s very hard for me to accept what’s my fate as far as what I’m supposed to do but I have not lived the life I’ve lived just for nothing or at least I’d like to think so because the amount of demons I’ve come across in my life I tend to irritate them motherfuckers by just my mere presence. Now if you really look at that shit that must say a whole fucking lot by just me passing another fucker I irritate demons and irritate them I don’t have to say a word, I seem to rattle their cages always have.  

THAT IN ITSELF SHOULD TELL YOU A WHOLE FUCKING LOT IF YOU LOOK AT IT RATIONAL. That should tell you, The most spirituality is pretty fucking strong. And you don’t just walk into up to somebody and have the kind of balls that I do without the backbone with it. And see I know I can back my ass up I won’t say anything unless I know for a fact I can back my ass up with it. Truth of the matter is you don’t know the whole story like I stated.  

So that exorcism I did with the help of my mentor up in Pennsylvania when I stated that I had a it got botched. well here’s the rest of that story in a short version The short version is a God bunch and did it on a Friday night and when it came out of my ex and found me as a host and I had to wait the whole weekend and on that Monday do everything the opposite and send it back to its original host which was my ex at the you know my ex boyfriend at the time. The truth of the matter is, that I was so strong in my spirituality that every time I could feel it trying to take over my body and make it was trying to roll my eyes backwards and I knew I’d have dealing with the present situation at that time and knew what that was about and I could feel it and I was so strong enough for a geology that it never took it never could have any effect on me I was very clear during that whole weekend. When I sent it back to its original host he ran out the door he came back later a couple hours later and he fell into the threshold of the door and he passed he was out cold I left him they’re on the floor and I watched over him I didn’t mess with him I didn’t touch him I protected myself spiritually and I watched over him Make sure he was okay when he woke up he didn’t remember shit it’s because it took a hold of him and you tend to you don’t remember things when it comes out okay. Reason I’m stating this is because 

If I don’t conform if I haven’t conformed if I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through before I got here in San Antonio the strength of a backbone that I’ve got that I know that I have because I’m fully aware of what I’ve gone through in my life and I’m fully aware that it’s been for preparation I am fully aware of the reasoning behind my preparation my whole life has been nothing but preparation do you understand for the last 38 years I’ve been in preparation I have been facing demons for 38 years off and on.  

Now I want you to think about that. I feel I should repeat this 

I have been facing demons for 38 years of my life, I have been in preparation for my whole life I have gone through things that would make your hair stand up on your whole body and flip you the fuck out I have experienced things for very short periods of time for example I would only touch base here and there enough in different things just so that I guess apparently it comes to be that just so that I’m aware of it that I know it only did crack when I was for 6 months back when I was 25 that was it was enough for me to know what it is no get it it’s not something that I need to do but I know what it does I know enough to have the empathy I know enough to have the compassion I know enough to help. And that’s been with everything in my life I have gone through different communities just different things for little parts of my life enough to say I’ve experienced it to know it I didn’t let prejudice I didn’t let hate and I didn’t let judgment get in my way neither. I’ve always been free spirited I embrace to I took the bad with good.  

So you see my life story and the reason why I share it in detail is because it’s supposed to be told, You’re supposed to know because you’re supposed to know that I’m there and have always been there that I’ve always mentored others in my life that is what I’ve always it’s just always what I’ve done because of what I’ve gone from because of me being an empath I have always been able to be that person that can mentor people. I don’t claim to be anything but human I don’t claim to be a perfect person I don’t plan to be anybody but just Michelle.  

The amount of resistance that I’ve gotten the last three and a half years is something that I’ve never experienced before in my life and I’ve come to realize that because I have walked upon deadland before and not been a part of the dead land meaning cursed areas Long Beach Mississippi New Castle Pennsylvania’s major says pull up for full of demons here that tells me I’m in the right spot that tells me that I’ve irritated quite a lot of demons because apparently they knew before I really understood why I was here but I’m here for a greater purpose and they’re here to stop me or just slow me down because I ain’t really no stopping me actually. all of you who have watched me for the last three and a half years you’ve seen quite a lot what you’ve seen is others chaos confusion You’ve seen the roller coasters up and down sideways whatever ways all kinds of crazy ways and then I’ll actually allergy admit stall that storm I’m standing here in the middle still grounded still not changed still staying true to myself and still having a backbone The secret about it is the only thing that this resistance has done it has not broken me and has done quite the opposite actually it has allowed me to gain more strength. Don’t that piss you motherfuckers off that’s been putting that damn spell on me huh keep that at you motherfuckers and ain’t getting you no where lol God will always prevail.  

You think you’re strong behind them computers and behind them fake emails fake names fake numbers and yet I see right through you. Down to your influencers that you’ve used I see straight through it all. Those of you behind your computers and your keyboards thinking you’re all big and bad that got the power of knowledge right at your fingertips and yet you choose to use it very much in your ignorance. The power of knowledge RIGHT THERE AT THE FUCKING FINGERTIPS JUST A COUPLE OF KEYS RIGHT THERE AND YET YOU’RE STILL IGNORANT IT’S AMAZING. Yet you still think you broke me huh nope not one bit because see I’ve been preparing for all of this all my life those of you pulling this black magic I hear you I see you now that I really see you I choose to not let you bother me You’re annoying Yes I’ve made peace with it.  

Today was the first day and a very long time I turned off the TV I didn’t have it on all day long I even made peace with the buzzing that’s usually annoying in my ear I made peace with it as well. Peace when I shut out all the outside noise and I ignored fucking everybody and I stayed to myself and I grounded myself I was able to see through the whole facade I was able to understand and I saw it straight through to my phone and computer on how just set up I’ve been.  

And yet I still don’t tell you everything and you still do not know it all about me. I can’t help but to charcoal a little bit I don’t mock but yet I do know what I’ve gone through in my life.  

That one person today I seen him nine months ago and I sat and listened I actually heard him actually did really hear him and what he was going through with his marriage I did not judge I was there to help him today the two hours I spent with him when he got compassionate and let me know that hey you know I get it it’s about a give and take for those of you who come rushing up in here don’t touch me lay in the bed dead like a fucking dead fish like I want to really throw your asses out of here when you do that shit because I’ve already had a dead person up in the bed okay it just really freaks me the fuck out honestly besides I really big turn off on top of sitting in the bed with a dead person drinking coffee with his girlfriend while he missing the bed dead in Pennsylvania yeah that’ll freaking just wakes me up but anyways you men you boys make it that naked all about you that are very selfish lovers very rushed lovers that don’t care about a woman you do realize you were only cheating yourselves.  

You do realize that when you treat a woman really nice and you care about a human being’s feelings that you get more back. Those of you who have done this kind of thing brushed in rushed out hurting me and not even realizing it and a lot of you are innocently excited I get it but you’re missing out you think it’s good from that no could have been much better much better you choose to do the things that you do. Just like the person and my personal life it’s all the choice you know today he paid for the hour I gave him an hour when I finally did open the envelope because I don’t normally open the envelope right then and there I don’t even worry about it actually not until later when I did open the envelope I was giving a $70 tip and he had already had that ready for me. Going back to heart mind & soul, we are all human we all need human connection we are all equal we all have to find our own balance within ourselves we all need to be validated we all need to have a human touch that’s nice that soft that’s tender that’s caring we all need it all of us that includes me.  

Being surrounded constantly by negativity bringing drama to me when my house is so fucking quiet it’s unreal is what you’ve seen what you’ve seen in me is only you 

An empath what you see is an empath it’s called the mirror effect you are only seeing the reflection of yourselves and that’s another reason why I’m quickly. Cuz I’m either hated loved or gravitated to it is no in-between. instead of judging me instead of looking at the now game of this whole scenario take step back reevaluate what you really see because when you really see and the whole picture in the whole scheme of things is a lot of wisdom is a lot of things that everybody can learn from in my life experiences if you choose to open your mind and allow it to flow. If you choose to embrace it you might want to stop and listen because the things that I have faced in these last 38 years it didn’t start with me and it doesn’t stop with me neither. You have just seen it as a testimony I wish I had never been able to never had to go through it but being that I knew it was the sacrificial deal with me the sacrifice that I’ve given is one that has been something that no one will ever know and I have not been able to come to terms with that and yet I will probably never be able to come to terms with the fact that nobody will ever know because we always get comforted and we know that we’re not there once out there what I have gone through unless you’ve actually gone through it with me you’ll never know you’ll never know is done to me and changes and just being at the hands of many people the hatred just because I rattled their demons inside them you know that’s a strong motherfucking human being right there in her spirituality because I stand here before you all of you the whole world and I have the backbone of that of an army advance that only grows stronger.  

One aunt can carry 10 times their weight one 

Know this I don’t need anyone I don’t want to be left alone either I don’t need a damn thing from anybody but yet I want people in my life I’ve want to be wanted I want to give my love and compassion to those that should have it I want to do what I was supposed to do. By thinking on this person that you should be terrified of on the last person that’s going to hurt you by doing and having those thoughts you are only hurting yourself 

Because I haven’t experienced true loving the real sense I have experienced hatred of my own race judgment in my own race amongst everyone else I have experience ed sexual euphoria like you can never imagine I’ve experienced hatred I’ve experienced satanist hint and their black magic I’ve experienced 

LIFE!!!!!!!!!!  

I’VE EMBRACED LIFE 

I TOOK LIFE BY THE FUCKING HORNS AND I SAID LET’S FUCKING ROLL WITH IT 

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE IT’S ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY IT’S ABOUT COMPASSION IT’S ABOUT GIVE AND TAKE NOT JUST TAKE IT’S ABOUT REALLY BEING THERE AND BEING REAL IT’S THE GOOD WITH THE BAD IT’S THE UGLY WITH THE PRETTY IT’S BEING DIFFERENT IT’S THE NEUTRAL IT’S ALL OF IT JUST IS 

TRACE IS NOT PRETTY TRUTH IS NOT COMFORTABLE TRUTH NAKED TRUTH IT’S WHAT WE WERE BORN IN THIS WORLD AS AND PRETTY BLUNTLY IT’S WHAT WE GOING TO LEAVE THIS WORLD AS NAKED MAKE UP ALL THAT BULLSHIT LIES AND ALL THAT SHIT THAT HAS TO DO WITH HEARING NOW WON’T COME YOU DIDN’T COME WITH IT AND WON’T GO WITH IT IT’S TRUTH REAL BECAUSE WE FAKE IT ALL OUT ALL THE FUCKING TIME WE ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE REAL TRUTH IS SO MUCH SO THAT I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU’VE ASKED FOR IT ON A FUCKING SUMMER GOLD PLATINUM PLATTER HANDED IT ALL TO YOU AND YOU STILL YET RESIST THE ACTUAL THINGS THAT LITERALLY YOU HAVE DEMANDED AS FAR WANTED I’VE LISTENED TO ALL OF YOU AND YET YOU RESIST ME THAT’S CALLED NOT KNOWING WHAT THE TRUTH IS THAT’S NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT 

No I will send with this the difference and what has been done to me and those that have done so and me are two things one knowledge is power 

AGAIN KNOWLEDGE IS MOTHER FUCKING POWERFUL 

YOU CAN TAKE EVERY GODDAMN THING AWAY FROM ME BUT ONE THING YOU MOTHERFUCKING CAN’T TAKE IS MY KNOWLEDGE CAN’T TAKE THAT ONCE THERE’S KNOWLEDGE USING THAT POWER WHEN YOU HAVE THAT KNOWLEDGE AND KNOWING EXACTLY WHEN TO USE THAT KNOWLEDGE NO ONE THAT’S CALLED 

MOTHER FUCKING WISDOM 

AND THAT MY FRIENDS ONLY COMES WITH AGE.  

EVEN MYSELF I WISH I’D HAVE KNOWN ALL THIS BUT IN RETROSPECT I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE TO HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I HAVE NOW BACK THEN I WANT YOU TO THINK ON THAT ONE BECAUSE BACK THEN IN OUR 20S WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE SO I’M DEEP IN MY THOUGHTS I’M COMPLEX IN MY THOUGHTS MY BRAIN IS ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY THAT’S WHY I’VE ALWAYS TRIED TO LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE YOU HAVE ONLY COMPLICATED MY LIFE THAT’S ALL YOU KEEP ME BUSY IN THE CONFUSION SO THAT I DON’T SEE WHAT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I ALREADY HAVE TRYING TO STOP WHAT I’M HERE TO DO THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  

To win this has never been about you or me this is always been about the bigger picture it’s not for anyone to take personal including me it’s you see we are only just a number souls are being counted signatures of being signed and blood and no signatures are being filed away. For the day that it comes when the fallen angel itself the main one pulls your number up and says it’s your time you’ve been counted there is no turning back. This is always been about the double and his counting numbers this is always been about the war that Lucifer to fall an angel waged when he was cast down out of heaven he waged it this is always been a spiritual warfare. The knowledge I possess in my time in my experiences a lot of you do not know or not aware of which shocked the shit out of you the knowledge I possess you need to have in order for you to survive and not be counted as its number you need to open your ears open your eyes and open your mind and you need to come out of that comfort zone because there are no more comfort zones in this world if you look around it actually see. If you were to stop the judgment on me you would see the only thing that you need to fear and be terrified of is honestly speaking not having the knowledge that I’m here giving you because if you don’t have it you will not be prepared you will not be able to make what I have gone through this last 3 years and it’s only going to get worse so listen up because I speak very calmly very matter of factly very strongly I have stood here given my time my testimony I’ve given bare witness I’ve done just what God has asked and I’ve stayed convicted in my belief I’ve stayed strong I’ve stayed a firm and I’ve stayed unconfirmed unbent to anybody else’s ways you remember when Jesus carried his cross. He had followers he was betrayed and he walked alone funny how I see myself in that situation it’s funny how I felt the weight of the cross on my shoulders last March. Not funny ha-ha either by the way so 

when I speak I have always spoken to be heard. Because I’ve always spoken with my actions in my behaviors when I speak by my mouth I speak volumes I speak to be heard you don’t know that part because you have seen all this chaos you have not seen this Michelle.

 And yet again it only took one person showing compassion admongst all the hatred and all the fucking judgment…..JUST ONE PERSON and some peace to bring the bitch out that owns this backbone!!!!… think about that one and just what are you going to choose in the morning when you wake up do you choose to be a positive influence in someone’s life and not even know it maybe or do you choose to spew these black fucking words and actions to harm another person just for amusement That’s only for you to decide 

With love always 

Rogue! 

June 20 th 2020 3:30 a.m. 

PS for me I just choose to try to be a little better of a person than almost yesterday and I choose to actually help those that actually need help that are sincere and don’t take me for granted and don’t abuse my compassion I choose to help those that need it and want it. That’s my choice though 

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