Prelude: This was actually on Sharepoint that I never shared. I had started putting togetherr my book. My autobiography. So this is 4 blogs put together on one page on sharepoint.
1 About Me
My spiritual studies started when I was in high school. You can almost say for years now, I’ve studied like a Monk does, doing extensive research on different religions and cultures throughout my life. It’s been the last eighteen or so years now that I have studied more on the Wiccan Spiritual Ways, Wicca is a nature-based belief system that believes in the balance of the God and Goddess. The more that I studied on this, the more I realized that these techniques used, what was followed was more like The Laws of The Universe and is when I started adapting this more into my life. Though, I don’t consider myself to be Wiccan, as I’m more Eccentric. Following more like my Real Dad’s Heritage with me being Cherokee and Irish. So, I identify more with following “The Red Road” and the Celts. Raised Catholic. I’ve always been more “Non-denominational” As I do not like claiming any organized religion at all. Since the age of 10 I knew that I was different, seeing things, ghost, spirits, knowing things, and throughout the years, my gifts one by one I started figuring out and learning how to use them. Along the way, I have encountered and experienced things that couldn’t be explained, so to speak. My experiences that I’ve had throughout my life, has given me the knowledge that I’m sharing out for everyone to know what I know. It is by my experiences alone, that I have figured things out. I’ve had many teachers along the way in my life. One in particular that I call as my Master, has taken on the job of being my Mentor since the year of 2003. And I owe my life to Him, as I’ve gone through major spiritual warfare for years now. More specifically when I was living in Pa, for 5 1/2 years as I went through some major heavy experiences that had it not been by having His guidance, I would’ve NEVER gotten through them. Before coming to San Antonio.
For years now, I’ve wanted to be ordained to be able to “handfast” couples into marriage. I took to my studies in Wicca to get my Three Degrees to start on my road of becoming Ordained in The Corillian Tradition Wicca. I had gotten to my second degree, when life took a turn and I had to stop for a while. My studies are never over, as I stay in study and doing research and will continue to do so through out my life.
This is the field of study that has ALWAYS been where I’m best. I’ve also ALWAYS been a Mentor, and have mentored many between the BDSM Lifestyle and this area. The things that I write on and share out to the world, comes from a lifelong of many many experiences I’ve encountered since the age of ten, and the extensive research that I have done throughout my life. Though, you can say that I’m experienced, I wouldn’t want to claim that being that anything that happens in the spiritual world when it comes to Spiritual Warfare, is normally not the same, but there are patterns that things follow. It is because of this very reason that lately, you have seen my struggles of finding and figuring things out and trying to place things that have been going on. Because I have not till now gone through the physic vampire attacks as extensive as I’ve undergone them for THIS LENGTH OF TIME NOR THIS HEAVILY. IT IS ONLY through ACTUALLY experiencing things that happen that you figure them out and learning them!
I share out to the world, NOT just the sex worker community, what I have gained though my research and studies AND my experiences that I’ve had through my life to for EVERYONE TO KNOW. These things NEED TO BE KNOWN, and be made AWARE OF THAT THESE THINGS ACTUALLY DO HAPPEN AND DO TAKE PLACE AND IS GOING ON AROUND US ALL THE TIME!
“to know oneself is to look to the universe…to begin to understand is to seek what nature has for us to listen to…all that needs to be done is to open the door, to a vast unknown…but to understand what is told, only can be understood by vibrating on the same frequency level that the universe vibrates on. As anyone that is vibrating on lower vibrations these secrets will not be felt or heard”…Rogue/michelle
As I’ve stated a few times in my Tumblr blogs there was a reason with a deeper meaning as to why i started this part of my journey. It was to reach the underground world, those that would normally be forgotten or not able to be reached due to it being the underground world. I knew this would only be temporary for me. What I didn’t realize was that only the first phase would be temporary. The first years, these last 2 years was to introduce myself, to let myself be known, to verify, to show that i am very real, my honor as well as showing my consistency. For me, it was also opening the doors in order for me to do what’s to come next.(i.e.: this site)
On my birthday, my body began its purging process, purging all the negativity, all that I have endured. Which is needed in order for the next phase of this. As the thirst that I have already experienced before, things are now coming so quickly that i can’t keep up, again, I see another portrait in its beginning stages that like i have seen before, that with each step taken will be beautifully painted to its completion.
Here’s some things that are needed to be stated so that can be understood with reading my blogs, being the reason for this page. This is part of my purpose, and for MY purpose alone. (which will NOT be questioned) My purpose is one of great sacrifice and is to share my journey in order to prepare, as I start to share and unfold the journeys that I have taken, in doing so, I am showing, teaching, preparing.
This is BY NO MEANS anything to do with “religion” It doesn’t matter the belief systems in which one may believe in. I, for one, do NOT identify NOR do i proclaim any one belief system(s). I’m simply spiritual. I live my life in the light, in all things positive, and pure of heart.
All of what I’m about to start sharing will be for ALL, and will only be understood by those who have good nature.
The things that I share will be of MY experiences, and my experiences alone. NONE OF WHICH I GIVE PERMISSION TO COPY, REPRODUCE, TO SELL, TO CHANGE, TO BE USED FOR ANY GAIN OF ANY MONIES/MONETARY VALUE,TO GAIN ANY POSITION ANYWHERE, TO BE TAKEN AS AN ADVISORY TO ANYONE. OR FOR ANY THING ELSE NOT MENTIONED.
“I have been judged, criticized, chastised, oldest child sexually abused by second husband, miscarried child by being beaten, youngest child wanting to kill me, abused mentally, emotionally, physically, turned away, stones thrown at, thought of as crazy, insane, not stable, not understood, but yet I stand before you, with a back bone that holds the strength not known by many, like that of an army of ants, (one ant can carry 10 times their weight). i have walked a journey of hardship and of sacrifice in order to share what i have seen and learned, in doing so, giving you the wisdom and knowledge I possess within me. if you are as so bold as to pass judgement, to think you can walk in these SIZE THREE KIDS SHOES i wear, and still stand strong and amongst those of judgement, I welcome you to do so. and try to keep up.”
A Person of Passion And Fire
UPDATE: 6-19-19 I didn’t get to start sharing this series that I had wrote and put up before on the msroguesa.com site. So, I wanted to go ahead and start sharing these. When you’re reading this, you can tell things end up taking a turn …I often find myself doing that, seems that as I’m writing and just letting it all flow out that there’s something else. It takes more than one blog to get the full meaning of my writings of my experiences. So you may not understand exactly where I’m going with this one, but things will be explained as I go. Hopefully, that might help as your reading through my blogs. I honestly wrote this one with my eyes closed the whole time. This one, the visions, they were very vivid for me, as I was typing this up.
To know oneself, is to look deep within. And I mean looking REALLY DEEP. To know oneself is to accept and not deny. To KNOW oneself is NOT lie to yourself, to admit the truths, your truths. To know oneself, is to have a thirst to seek. It means to have such a fierce thirst that just never seems to be quenched. With Seeking oneself, it is through knowledge that is sought out. Gaining knowledge through all things possible. knowing how you tick, how you operate how YOU, your whole being about yourself works, It is only by seeking the knowledge, gaining insight that you will start to possess clarity, a better understanding of yourself. With that understanding and clarity, you start to identify and recognize. But STILL, the thirst for seeking just isn’t quenched, finding yourself very parched actually, But yet, somehow, that thirst, is that drive, that MAKES you still continue on your journeys, seeking to finally one day have that thirst that is sooo fierce that there’s no other way, but to finally have it quenched, to finally have that peace within yourself, for that thirst to finally be content enough that it’s “at bay” and stilled “some”…
…Some….you start to feel that stir again, that thirst come back. Once more out of desperation to quench, to satisfy that thirst, which need to find oneself. Now you realize that this thirst to seek and find oneself, has taken you on a quest. But not just any quest. A quest so unique in its nature. That is JUST FOR YOU. To seek, To find, To know, To GRASP…is to spiritually seek! With Spiritually seeking, the quest that you’ve found yourself to be on, you find that it has become “what purpose do i have?” ” What am i here for?” Those age-old questions that EVERY ONE OF US ask….
…Here’s something for every one of you. to REALLY ponder on for a long time…
What if YOU were given a Treasure Map, so to speak, that treasure map consisting of visions, dreams (including lucid dreams), in words not of your own, but in your head (not in a crazy nature…umm i can’t remember the technical word for this) and in many other forms and ways that’s not of this earthly nature, and definitely not deemed socially acceptable. This treasure that was given to ends up when going through it all, going through every turn every hardship, EARNING your way through this map, This map in This vision you see, you see of yourself, being painted, a portrait on a canvas as it starts to come alive and with step that you take, you can really see each stroke that a hand is taking, each stroke of the paint brush, bringing this portrait of you to life, bringing color to it…
with my eyes closed now, seeing each detail as I described EXACTLY what I saw, with my eyes closed, my fingers still typing still seeing the richness in color that over the years I have only been able to describe as like in the movie, robin Williams was in…patch Adams?? I think it was.
This treasure map ends up being the key, the key to YOU! The key to why you are important, why YOU ARE HERE, what YOUR PURPOSE IS…and upon being given the key to you, yourself , it being said, “let no one have this key, for this key is for thee and only thee to possess…for you have earned the key to know your purpose, Here this key is given to grant you the reward that you are deserved from seeking and never stopping” “Rejoice and rest, for much more is to come, for your purpose is one of great importance, Of great sacrifice”…….Just What IF you find out what your purpose is, but wanna give it back lol….and can’t…
Has anyone ever asked themselves after asking the question “what am I here for?” ….”Can I give it back if I don’t want it?” ummm oh well, let me save the time in finding out that answer….no you can’t…
If you notice, i did NOT speak of my exact purpose. Did i? ok…so this writing has apparently taken me back to not very long ago for me…and funny as it is becoming to me, to a direct left field way of what i was expecting lol…
This is [ be part one…cuz i see now, that this will be over time, and i have a feeling of why….and realizing what may be the “why” to this…tears start to flow…this is a reminder. To put me where i need to be…I’m not in sync, in sync with the universe….
As this writing is starting to unfold for me, in order for the reading to have some kind of grasp…to be able to get a clearer picture. Of my journey, my story, what i have to share, in NOT one that you will be able to understand in ways of which society deems as normal. cuz this is unlike anything that your brain AND body will be able to comprehend UNLESS you take yourself “COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BOX” letting COMPLETELY go of everything you know everything you were taught to be real, to be truth, to be reality….because as i type these words, with my closed, I’m seeing literally seeing everything once again. The descriptions will be in full color and detail, but be forewarned, This is NOT going to be understood by those that have a lower vibration frequency, and live within their Root Chakras, This will only be understood, by taking everything you were taught and throwing it away…only by open mindedness and the feeling of my words will anyone be able to begin to see this picture that has been painted. the start of one hellva journey, which has not yet ended. But it a VERY deep one…For within my story comes a journey that is hard for me to place into actual words, my accounts, some very painful, some will literally scare the shit of you, some will literally make all of your hair stand straight up, and yet some will be of such passion or a beautiful FIRE that is me…I’m not sure exactly what words or stories will come out from the words that i type as my writing flows like water, but apparently this is something that is now time to remind me, ..and to give my accounts for others to read…just remember, my journeys, or not all of this earthly nature…many shaman journeys…just to prepare your minds for the next part to come….
with this i end without even proof reading putting it up…i find it strange, my typing has not been so high strung this time…somewhat of a calmness, which is good…thanks everyone for reading…gawd, i can’t prepare me nor y’all for what’s going to be next…i have no clue. But deeper…and deeper…i will take you…
Jan 5, 2019,
rough draft, words need to be smoothed over, but this is the raw, the raw, real Michelle.
PS, you can read this “story” as however you’d like to fiction, non-fiction, auto biography, science fiction even, i will let you choose however you feel you want to perceive the words that you read i don’t give a fuck lmao…my saying for the year 2019 hahahaha.
Again, I can NOT express enough, THIS IS NOT FOR THE SIMPLE-MINDED, THIS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK-MINDED, THIS IS NOT FOR THE CLOSED-MINDED AND THIS IS NOT FOR THOSE THAT HAVE IMPURE HEARTS AND HAVE ILL INTENTIONS. the words that you will be read will be spiritual in nature as well as very deeps, if this goes the way I’m thinking that it might….just saying…
Keeping You In The Know Part 2: Personal Side
Personally, I’ve also been dealing with crossroads…Being that my personal and business side are one in the same. Being that there’s no separation between the two. Personally, I’ve had to do quite a lot of soul searching. Had to take a few steps back, and take a really good look at things from a totally different perspective….
Once the negative energies were cleansed away, by the smoke of sage. Bare foot, and firmly standing, stopping all things around me, the spinning of all the outside noises of life, Within the center of all the noise… I stood still….grounding myself…..Connecting with Mother Earth, digging my toes deeper, as if I was tree with roots, becoming one with Mother Earth. I suddenly felt that calmness, that inner peace that I’m so familiar with. Upon centering myself, as if I was dead center of a tornado, the eye of the storm… Only when I stopped all chaos flying around and at me like a tornado….is when everything fell into place for me.
Last night, a friend had asked me, “Do you think that you may intimidate men possibly scaring them away?” Without hesitation, I simply answered probably so…As this simply is nothing new to me, Alot of people don’t how to take me. Especially men…. When the brain does not understand something, if it doesn’t compute (for lack of better words) and mesh together in sync like the brain thinks it should, it is then rejected, cast out and thrown away, the brain says, it’s no good. This concept….I’ve lived my life dealing with this concept.
The thing about this concept though, from early on, is exactly where my strength derived from. Where my backbone came from. And throughout my life, with each adversity I faced and looked dead center in the eyes of. With every abusive situation I faced, with each time I faced hell…. just when the flames had thought I had been weakened in order to consume…is exactly when I came out of the flames, even more stronger than I was before. I found that the strength that I possess within myself, it’s not easy to find someone be it man or woman that carries equal that strength within THEMSELVES….
There’s been ONLY one time that I found myself to be completely broken, by not a man, but a child, still not a child, but an old soul. A light being. Having been born of both light and darkness, the darkness of his father’s seed, finally finding its way to the surface with the start of becoming a man. With puberty, literally all hell broke loose. And is exactly when I found myself in the very depths of the ice cold, clammy, dark pits of hell, being consumed by flames…or was thought that I was being consumed…by that very fire, the flames not consuming but empowering me. Upon peeking out amidst the flames, being spotted, and noticed, was I then literally kicked out of hell.
See my strength, it intimidates many, fire….it’s my element, simple…the very thing that has always been used to burn me out, is the very thing I gained strength from. With all this being said…..
….My Blogs…..I’ve noticed, the very ones that have something negative to say about them, ironically enough, is the very ones that I’m speaking about. The very ones that have spewed such distasteful words as the person that contacted me on Adultlook recently, being that he was one of the many, that just had to mention “lets meet up and have coffee as an alternate screening” that just had spewed that I scare the shit out of him by my bipolar personality….In reality, this told me, my strength scares the shit out of you. With every spew that I’ve heard “I’m crazy, insane, bipolar” were the very ones that was among the chaos swirling around me, TRYING to unground me, TRYING to make me weak, The very ones that was up to no good, in way or the other.
The client that had asked for bareback services three times and only saw him twice, the very one that told me I do my job really good that it makes him passionate, so naturally he’s going to want to stick his dick in me….but wouldn’t accept protection when he naturally wanted to stick his dick in me….had called me insane. Is the very one that out of the blue Friday night, text me, saying he felt bad about fighting with me,, telling me that he felt pretty stupid to complain, when I eat his ass and swallow him, how could he complain. What he did was, is gave acknowledgment, But what he didn’t do was apologize. Had He done that, I’d may have decided to see him again?
Here’s where I’m going with all of this, because I won’t cave in, because I refuse to go against everything I stand for, and when bullshit is thrown at me, I don’t weaken like one would think, being that the more bullshit thrown at me, the more I stand up and fight against, cuz I won’t cower down to no one, because I publicly speak up and publicly speak about the abuse, especially when I can show in proof the abuse that I deal with daily,
When I stand up once again, against adversity, and publicly look adversity in the eyes…fighting against that very stigmata just because I have EMBRACED AND ENJOY WHAT I HAVE CHOSEN TO DO, STANDING UP TO ABUSE DEMANDING AGAINST THE DEMANDS OFTHE ABUSERS, IS WHEN IM SEEN AS CRAZY AND INSANE.
So NO I will NOT take these blogs down just because those that like to twist things and see me as insane and ranting. I see as battles won! I see as Milestones; I see putting up a hard fight and overpowering it …LEADING ME TO BE EMPOWERED…..WITH JUST THE SIMPLE ACT OF EMBRACING. WITH BEING TRUE TO MYSELF I NEVER WAVER, I NEVER CHANGE, AND JUST BECAUSE ONE FEELS THE NEED TO FEEL INFERIOR BY THE ACTS OF MAKING ONE GO AGAINST AND BELITTLING ONE AND CAUSING CHAOS, AS LIKE IN A TORNDAO….IN THE END, I’M STANDING FIRMLY GROUNDED WITHIN MYSELF, STANDING IN THE CENTER, PEACEFULLY, AS CHAOS IS TRYING TO BREAK ME… THE ONLY TWO THINGS THAT HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED BY DOING SO, IS YOU SHOWING ME WHERE THE WEAKNESS LIES WITHIN YOU, AND IN THE END WITH EACH DARKNESS THAT BEFALLS ME, I HAVE ONLY GROWN STRONGER,
So yes, I do intimidate many.
If you as a potential client, are looking for a stupid bimbo bitch, you will not find that here.
If you as a potential client, is looking for a very strong, well defined mature woman that knows EXACTLY what she wants, and KNOWS EXACTLY how to please a man, knows what feels good to a man and what will feed a man’s deep dark primal. This is where you will find that woman.
And ONLY by a respectful kind approach will one be given the grace of EXPERIENCING THE ORAL SPECIALIST