Fetlife Journal Entry: What’s The Worst For Me

what’s the worst for me

JOURNAL ENTRY

: i just got triggered on here badly, i just got a pm say..(now im shaking so bad i cant type, and my speech just began to stutter) ….saying sorry its been a tough go around for you….the two words, sorry and your strong they are bad bad triggers for me, im not strong im just contniually left all alone so please understand , in my writings on my site, i share about how i used to fall alll the time, now i see what is actually wrong with me,please dont say sorry to me i know you mean well, but its upsetting to me when im left all alone all the time  and noooo im not strong, not when im left all alone all the time i cry all the time in my fear i shake and shiver in my trauma so nooo im not strong, you just dont see me left all alone

Is that I show you what I am and I show you what I do all the time I show you my tears and yet you never understand still I show you I cry all the fucking time from being hurt and from being left all alone and yet you still tell me I’m strong. This isn’t just a once or time thing when I put those videos up on my site this morning this is all the time for me I cry, shivering shake. All the fucking time how can I get this through to you this is what I do this is the trauma this is being left all alone this is the hurt this is the pain this is everything all the time for me

When somebody tells me sorry about your past you don’t understand this is my past present and future because you won’t stop hurting me and it’s complex PTSD it never goes away from me.

How do you start to heal or begin to try to heal when the same thing keeps continually happening to you and no one takes accountability for the wrong they’ve done or understand when they point to others that need to be pointing to themselves because when you tell me fuck them assholes that did that to you nine times out of ten you are one of the assholes tooLoveComment

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