Holidays: Thanksgiving November 2020

So how did Everybody’s holiday go? I’m sure it wasn’t the normal we’re not in normal anymore. For whatever it was for you this pasr holiday season,  I really hope that you had running water electricity with your head and at least a little bit food with to eat. Even put pleasant the traditional Christmas dinner I hope to God it was something that was able to fill your bellies and give you a warm sense of sensation from inside.

I I would like to share with everyone but I’ve gone through how my holidays have been. As hard as this can be for me to do this. I believe I’m ready. I’m sure some stupid asshole is going to try to twist this and explain this story I got news for you I’m not the same person as last year. That’s all I’m going to say for the moment but I would like to give you a different perspective of the holidays and hooks that that may still have heart and soul may save the humility in my story.

I feel the need to point out that these may be stories to you this is an actuality a journal entry for me, its REAL.

Let’s start with Thanksgiving. A time to give Thanks. A time to be thankful God blessings no matter how small or big they may be. Well I’m going to the details later on how I got to this point but I found myself be in Express Inn Motel. I’m just this early I wanted a hot shower and I wanted to rest. It’s the night before Thanksgiving when I got there. Upon getting there I realized I felt like I was in hotel California one way in everybody has to go outside in the front right by the office head across the office to go smoke. I’m going to tell you I swear I love women with to take a hot shower and to put on house clothes I smell my cigarette after my shower and rest I didn’t want to have to look at people like that point. Not after what I’ve been through. I had just wanted to be alone by myself and shake the days shit away.

Well as soon as I got into my room, check my email and someone’s want me to come by to visit okay well this person won’t outfits I didn’t know where nothing was I had no food but he came by and afterwards you know and and I was so thankful he did and all actuality I was really thankful that he gave me some kind of Thanksgiving which actually allowed me to pay rent for a couple of days.

Well talking to someone outside which I’m very skittish about people now I did something I haven’t done in so long I just took off with the person I walked across the street with him and we went by his house which I know better normally. And these days I sure wouldn’t find myself doing this on a regular basis but I did. I mean why not and it’s Thanksgiving or the night before I didn’t want to be alone and just to have somebody to communicate with same pretty cool at that point.

So I read this place I took a couple shots and we chatted for a little while. He had just gotten in prison and all of a sudden I had asked him if he knew what an empath was. He said no so I brought up some YouTube videos for him. And I did that because I had felt compelled to do something I haven’t felt compelled to do in a very long time. I understand do you mind me putting my hands on somebody chest? He said no. I said okay thank you. I sit there lay down on the couch and relax. I haven’t been this kind of feeling hasn’t come over me I know 2 years at least. So I had to explain to him when I put my hands on him that I felt there was something that I could help him with take away some negative stuff that was bothering him.

I can tell you that it’s been so long that I’ve done this that I forgot just what it does to me and let me just so many else’s energy and then just too damn much of it. Because you need to know when I do these things it’s different than being in knowing Reiki. With Reiki you transform energy as an empath with my kids I actually ingest the energy that I take from people to help them therefore I have to get rid of it there’s a certain way I have to do these things. So at first I placed my left hand on his gut because where you stole his located and then I couldn’t take in no more I put my right and on that same place. Because when you take something away negative you always have to replace it with something good positive peace you know things that are good you can’t just leave the the boy there from what you just took out energy wise.

I I’ve been did the same thing on his heart. During the time I do this I don’t let either hand to each other and when I get to feeling like I’m totally vibrating with so much electrical shocks and just about to explode from all the energy that I take in I am normally would go to directly outside… and I’ve done this and -13° snow by the way… Kick off whatever she’s I have and put my feet in the hands into the ground that I can get rid of the energy. Cause it affects me especially if I take in too much.

Now of course after all this I mean the whole body was vibrating but in this in this is exactly why I was afraid of doing going anywhere because I knew I would be expected to do something that I just wasn’t ready to do I wasn’t willing to do is more like it.

Of course yea that was something just like I knew I had to deal with it it’s time to go I was vibrating and I just couldn’t takd anymore it was way too much.

Now I am not sharing this part too have stupid people going exploit but I already know it’s going to happen it’s stupid just won’t they’ll always be stupid so whatever. I am sharing this because it reminded me of my life that is so hard for me to remember. Because after everything I’ve gone through I’ve gone to so much trouble there’s a lot of my life I don’t remember I can’t recall.

It reminded me or at least a little piece of who I was before… before all of this. It was so the norm for people to come to me and ask me to help them we’re leaving pain but things that I would give to them friends dying and me experiencing what chemotherapy feels like just to allow my friend some peace as he was dying. Just to give my friend a little bit easier death than what he was actually experiencing. Because he died of a bone marrow cancer.

All my life just something that everybody knew I had but I could help her I could help with healing or at least even somebody’s pain let’s just say that it’s just something that it was just normal it’s only been with this job since last 3 years that I’ve come to know my gifts as only because well people exploit my gifts people have turned them into negative and people have made it to be a curse for me instead of the gift I’ve always known to be. Which is the reason why I’m sharing this because this is part of me that when everybody says so I know you or whatever no one has me no one no one here knows who I’ve been before this not one of you actually no very much got me even though I have shared quite a lot.

Thanksgiving Day, I didn’t eat. I went hungry I have paid rent I made sure I had 3 days of a roof over my head instead of eating so I didn’t eat. I chose to have a roof over my head and instead of eating a Thanksgiving Meal. I mean to me it’s nothing but just another day of fighting homelessness and fighting people from taking my things away from in one way or the other so no it’s just another day at war that I’ve been having to deal with. Another day of being so exhausted from just having to fight things I just don’t want to deal with and fight people’s drama because they keep bringing it to my doorstep. Another day fighting homelessness hunger salutes nothing but just another day for me.

Well i felt blessed anyways. There was a roof over my head at least.

But I didn’t want to deal with people because I knew I knew that me interacting with others means me having to fight off things it seems like who will go into anything to try to get me in the bed no matter if they know I work or not. and needless to say I didn’t devote that information.

In this so-called hotel California that I found myself to be in being a predominantly men all men except for one girl, a younger girl. Home by the way the next day after Thanksgiving had expressed to me because she didn’t have another woman anybody there to talk to she had apparently been drugged she said she found needle marks on her body and she don’t remember any of it but she had to go to the hospital for rape. the management was Indian or whatever Muslim whatever who would not allow her into get her stuff out of her room or whatever so I knew where that was going and why. That just made me aware of my surroundings even more so because I too had found myself to feeling like a piece of meat fresh meat more specifically exactly who is going to be nice just to try to get in my pants. I mean I literally felt like I was being passed around and ain’t nobody was getting anything from me. You know I’m going to express that for a woman really just can make a woman feel well never mind you don’t care anyways you’re a man 9 times out of 10 reading this.

Well it was the day after Thanksgiving and of course nothing was coming through so trying to be nice and just trying to interact with humans again I found myself in this man’s room. Two doors down. He had implied I don’t been working throughout $50 like I was some freaking whore that he didn’t even know. Thst NO ONE KNEW. Well I umm once again had to decide what I was going to do. It hurt. He hurt me. So vile….so rough.  It hurt bad.  I got up keep your fucking money I don’t want no part of it. Well i was left with more Emily Aisha and disgrace not to mention the fact that I’m with my back almost to the point of being them temporarily paralyzed and I can feel it coming on. I also didn’t have rent.

You know what would it matter to him he didn’t cum. That’s all he was worried about. But he hurt me.. ..ya know, there’s a certain “piercing” in the eyes of a man, there’s a certain way that a man looks at a woman… The pupils change. They really small. The eyebrows narrow down as the stare…that certain …it cuts right straight through a eom6. That look, only a woman would know THAT look, that stare.  Anyways…

He wouldn’t give a fuck i was left . …. ya know I will say this much, to me looked at and those kinds of ways especially in the man don’t know or not supposed to know but to be looked at in that way I don’t care how old a woman gets that cut through deep down to the bone stare of fucking resentment and disrespecting to be looked at as a whore it’s just something you never get used to. Even if you’re not one that’s even worse. It’s not something you get used to but it is something you come to expect, as a woman. I say all this because what I was about to experience next never in a million years.  Just never in a million year…

So anyways, I was left with I couldn’t walk because he hurt me couldn’t bend I was having nervous guys until like crazy didn’t have an ice pack which I needed. Compact much less couldn’t pick up my bags as heavy as they are but what would he care he didn’t come. So I this is never,  I was blown away. I mean what woman would expect a hotel motel manager to straight out call her a bitch. To go from saying that you didn’t deserve respect to you being nice and him acting like he called the cops because I was late checking out I couldn’t do it I couldn’t pack I hurt. Because he hurt me. .BAD… I mean this man stood in disgrace staring at me with the card for your bags stood there on the phone acted like he was calling the cops calling me a bitch and I can tell you this much when he said bitch it wasn’t regularly pronounced. It was pronounced like a serpent.  and I swear to you I am not making this up. “BITSSSSSSSHHHH”

I mean he’s got his phone a regular landline portable phone and I guess I can like he’s called the cops talking to somebody if anybody or no one on this phone staring the shit out of me staring me down like he could have burned me like a laser beam I’m crying I’m crawling on the floor because I can’t fucking get up and he’s got this card and he’s jumping the car back and forth at me this I have to tell you isn’t my town manager streaming at me gets off the phone screaming at me bitch you don’t deserve to be respected and I’m flipping shit he flips script on me and turns around and says but you nice people and then turns him on and calls me bitch again screaming at me and I’m trying to do the best I can but this motherfucker leaves me to the point of right at paraly0zation in my back

That kind of shit a woman just does not shake off so fucking quickly you just can’t get rid of that you just you know I personally speaking I’d rather you beat the living fuck out of me I’d rather you you miss me like approaching back like I’ve come through before this you just can’t shake you can’t get rid of no matter how quick you meant expect us to and then I think that’s fine I’ll give it I don’t know but it is an extra insult to injury of course that’s why I think you do it you expect us to get over that kind of treatment so quickly like I mean it takes me days before I can become normal again after something like that

but here it is, THISSS…  MOTEL MANAGEMENT    A MAN IN CUSTOMER SERVICE AS A MOTEL MANAGER ..

Update: What the motel manager did, I later found out that this is known as “sapping” in gang stalking terms

Literally the only way I can describe my feelings was I literally was truly in the devil’s den and the devil’s lair because you need to know the day before which was right after Thanksgiving some dude is dumb crazy running around naked outside trying to go through mom and those someone else’s just the phones would freak out and not work you know I mean like stuff that happens when there’s bad juju around bad really deep shit. I mean this motherfucker was acting like the exorcist on me bitch oh you should be you know you’re good people you don’t just have to be respected you’re good people I mean this motherfucker was crazy.  so needless to say, I was not going to allow for the last insult of the cart in my face no matter how bad it hurt I fucking got up I fucking pulled the goddamn bags on my arms and I said fuck you and move out the fuck out of my way I don’t need your goddamn Court I’ll take them myself.

So I’m thinking I’m getting it from customers potential customers haters because I turn them down providers now I’m getting this shit from motel management when does it ever cease to fucking stop? To answer ..IT DOESN’T    NO. ..THAT SHIT JUST.   IT DOESN’T STOP EVER.

HERE IT IS I’M HUNGRY I’M NOW HOMELESS OUT IN THE COLD YET AGAIN ALL THESE MEN HAVE FUCKING SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I’M BLOWN AWAY BY THIS MANAGER NO IT DOESN’T STOP ALL DAY LONG AND COLD DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO I CAN’T CALL NO MORE MY PHONE’S JUST GOT CUT OFF THERE’S NOTHING FOR ME TO DO BUT JUST STAYING THERE THAT’S IT JUST STAYING NO CIGARETTES NO NOTHING TO DRINK NO NOTHING ZERO SO I JUST STAND FOR HOURS.

..,…,……. So this is when somebody that’s been on that Facebook 15 years supposed friend says come here you’ll be safe here.  

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