It’s been so long since

It’s been so long since

I had a man sensual touch

It’s been so long since a man said he cared and really meant it

It’s been so long since I’ve heard the words I love you without it being manipulated

It’s been so long that I was told I was pretty

It’s been so long since someone ran a bubble bath for me

It’s been so long since I’ve had a glass of wine with a man just to say relax

It’s been so long that I have relaxed and watched a television show without interruption

It’s been so long that I don’t remember the last time

It’s been so long since someone I cared for told me out of this place i

t’s been so long since I’ve been on a date it’s been so long since I send watch TV with a man just to enjoy the time or be called pet

 it’s been so long since I’ve been made to feel special it’s been so long

Its been so long since ive spendt more than just 30 mins or an hr with a man, its been so long thsince i havent been a “call to a heaux” for someone

I guess I’m an embarrassment to people I can’t be seen in public with anyone I guess I’m just a disgrace to people that they can’t take me out of this room I’m never good enough for anyone

I can’t remember the last time a man touched me nicely that’s not rough a gentle touch from a man I can’t remember the last time I was in a man’s arms that was safe that I felt safe I can’t even remember really being held by someone I felt safe with I really miss it I really miss it

I don’t remember what it feels like for a man to touch me softly

I don’t know what it feels like can’t remember for someone to let me just be who I am

I can’t remember the last time I was around a man that I did not have to be on guard

I can’t remember the last time a man actually done something nice without ulterior motive or expectations for pussy

I don’t know what it feels like anymore for any man to do anything but hurt me

I don’t know what it feels like to not be called a horror bitch or that I should die I’ve been told that so much I feel like I should die I’m just fucking kill myself

I don’t know when it feels like anymore to be treated good I feel like I did something so bad to people that I deserve to be treated like this and I wonder what I have done to me everybody to deserve this kind of treatment that I should just fucking forget it all and die and just make everybody else happy because I can’t make everybody happy the way I’ve been apparently I’m no good at a piece of shit so I should just die right

I’m only good when I’m needed and even then I’m not going to know

Nobody has stuck with me everyone I’ve just been a convenient and auction that when it’s gets too tough and the tough can’t get going with me they just turn their backs and walk away it’s convenient to walk away from me it’s convenient to leave me alone I’m scared fighting all the time scared it’s just a conven ience just to tell me I’m strong when that’s not really any encouragement

I don’t know what it feels like anymore it’s been so long I forgot how I should be treated I forgot and don’t know what it is to sleep during the night all night long I’m expected to stay up 24/7 and do nothing but work for free I’m expected to spend all my money on people when I can’t make them even happy doing that I don’t make anybody happy apparently I make everybody sad so why should I stay around why should I fucking stay alive anymore my kids have left my family left I’m just a convenience to everybody just to walk away but I don’t make them happy when I don’t make it please anybody you are crazy I should not be on this earth anymore there’s no reason to motivation to do anything anymore what’s less I can’t find happiness I’m only good enough to be told I’m a piece of shit and a bitch and a whore I have no longer Michelle Michelle got killed a long time ago desensitized dehumanized I’m just a fucking whipping post to and then even then I don’t make you happy being your weapon post so how should I stick around you all hurt me I can’t understand what I’ve done so many people that I don’t even know what I’ve done to you I don’t even know you and I terrifying you but yet none of you understand you all scared this shit out of me I’m a threat to everybody little on me but I try to make you feel special I try to make you happy I try to please you and yet I’m just ignored I forgotten I’m just an option I convenience to turn around and walk away and if I don’t answer when you expect me to get mad at me so why should I be on here by why should I even be alive anymore and none of you see I’ve been crying for help none of you see that I’ve been crying for you to stop hurting me none of you see all you want to see is that I’m crazy I’m a bitch I’m a whore I’m nothing to you but just trash to stump on to steal from to ignore to ghost to turn around and walk away from and leave me alone I’m just somebody’s amusement just to fuck with me just to knock me I’m nothing good to anybody I don’t remember the last time I felt good or that somebody made me feel good so why should I stick around anymore I’m not even worth a blowjob anymore there’s no muse for me so why should I stick around

Maybe they are right maybe I should just kill myself I’m not good to anyone just somebody’s amusement enjoy just to even I’m not even that anymore I’m not even good enough for a blowjob I don’t know when I’m good for anymore I’m not even somebody’s good whipping post anymore I’m not good at that either

I’m not important I’m ignored nobody listens to the words I speak even though they say they too I’m nothing anymore so what the fuck am I still here for

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