i cant seem to be allowed the last bit of quiet time to myself when it comes 4 in the morning, everytime i try to work on something during my quiet MY PERSONAL HOURS,which btw, IS ALWAYS WORKING ANYWAYS, cuz i went from editing two just only fucking videos to spending time explaining myself to the public in an update to answering email to starting three more drafts, so your just gonna get all of it this morning , fuck it, i cant do this shit, jusst whatever im so frustrated with this shit.
October happenings part 3 keeping you in the know
Okay so the first two does letting everybody know what kind of bullshitted think I’m going on okay so here’s the real deal is what I’ve been doing in between everything and in the process of doing first up
New permanent location
On the 2nd I moved to the airport area 2in extended stay it’s really nice I like it a lot the friend is huge cuz I have a suite. Separate kitchen separate bathroom and it’s looks it’s awesome I really like it it’s very spacious. I’m going to say it’s really hard when you’re trying to take into consideration everybody when you have a job like this I talked to a regular of my last night and it’s going to take an hour and a half for him to get here now. this is what really sucks is trying to find a place of what I’m looking for and to have location in mind for everybody it’s it’s been a very difficult process with safety and mine and everything that I have to think about to get something that’s hot. Supportable I am in with my criteria that I need and then this well as everybody else. So this has been a difficult process for me please know that I have Captain mind everybody safety and everything that I need to take into consideration it it has been very well thought-out as much as I could it’s very difficult like I said with no help or no advice or suggestions or anything from anybody it’s been one hell of a bitch needless to say
Here’s the heads up though that I want to give you this is a non-smoking community it is apartment life and even though I’ve been smoking in my room I’m not supposed to you’re going to see people outside this is not no tripped out though there’s a setup kind of thing there’s no cameras around my room or anythingso this is an apartment complex you’re going to see people out here there’s a swimming pool you got to see kids it’s a regular apartment complex, kind of thing so I need. Understand this and not to trip when you see people around my door or anything like that okay I keep everything low-key and I barely see anybody as it is. Suggest please be aware that you’re going to see people around
Making it home
When I got everything in here I trying to add up all of my my money and everything. I have paid for two days here and I went and I paid for another two days so I’m paid up through Sunday. I’m going to tell y’all this fucking situation about me having to move because of this bright and everything the cost of motels it up all of my check for disability every bit of it. I went and left about midnight yesterday morning and did not get back till 3 in the morning I spent $258 on making this home. When I left I did not grab the shampoo and body wash and stuff that I have for men for anybody who needs showers I did not have any supplies for me I went and bought the things that I needed to buy I haven’t at least one lava lamp that makes me feel at home but that’s all about this part of not only is that me but that’s part of the experience also is the home environment and I know a lot of y’all like that kind of feel in the environment I mean it’s more comfortable and I know that because some of y’all have mentioned that when I was staying at motel 6 so it’s not it’s the lights to lava lamps all that that’s me but that helps in your comfort zones as well. Over all I know it’s a better feel and more peaceful and relaxed feeling overall. But you know all this comes at a price it’s nothing free so I have made what I could with what I had left I had made it home.
So not only have I spent $238 at Walmart this morning just about an hour ago I had to and the jetpack from Verizon for mobile hotspot for me to have internet the internet does not reach my room and my job requires me to be online 24/7 for the most part so I had to do something that’s another 32 a month for me to be able to work.
Another $15 about an hour ago right after I got off the phone with Verizon I went to try to start everything some of these clips that I have and in order for me to do everything that needs to be done everything the son of the sound out of some of them let you know the whole nine yards I just I had to go ahead and spend the extra $15 on my computer program to do all this. So I’m going to let you know just how much I’ve spent in less than three days time so far 114. + 144 +238+ 32 +15= 543
Total expenses in 2 days time
114 Was for 2 days during the week the 144 is paying the weekend rates 238 is to get supplies and make everything home, $15 is for the program to edit videos and all the content to merge and trim and edit faces in loud noises and stuff out all that change the resolutions all that goes with it, and the $32 is for Wi-Fi per month cuz I’m on a two-year contract now.
I have added this subscriptions back on to the site I will be manually approving everybody. This is to ensure the security for the site. that there is no malicious attempts of logins going through that and that way up subscriptions it’s just I’m trying to keep everything as secure as possible which leads me to
Leaving comments and or reviews
Anyone that’s leaving comments or reviews for the site, please do not use anywhere in the comments your website or your email anything that is considered spam or advertising for example Kohl’s or Marshalls or anything that has to do with any advertisements. They are being seen ask them and thrown into the spam folder you’re lucky that I don’t have it set to where it’s deleted automatically if it’s considered spam. I don’t want to go and change anything that anybody States because that is not my words I don’t believe in that but then again, I don’t want advertisements on my eyesight either in this is why I don’t have Google ads or anyting related to do whatever tisements or spam went to the site at all I’m doing this to keep the site clean and then also to where y’all don’t have to worry about all that crap either I don’t like it and I don’t think yall would either. so please keep the site clean of all the bullshit and spam in the you know just stuff that just ain’t related like that
No HTML or shortened links
With the comments and reviews in mind while so I’m probably going to be opening up memberships for the site soon to where you can have a profile in the login and everything I’ve already got this pages set up all I have to do is add them to the menus. There will not be absolutely any HTML coding or any shorten links especially by bit Lily will be allowed by anybody but me. This is also to keep the site secure. There have been major malicious codes that you can do through HTML and all that this will not be allowed at any time from anybody on the site at any time.
my reply to an email, my frustraistions from what the public does, when the public becomes toxic and refuses to see its damaging to others
you did not piss me off I needed some I need to do me man why does everybody take this shit kind of fucking personal when it has to do all me when I’m the one who’s taking this fucking personal. My fucking god yall are fucking greedy about me I will when it comes to Michelle wanting to be greedy about Michelle Lord knows that can’t fucking happen right. Michelle cannot have time for herself Michelle cannot fucking have time to be sick or fucking decide what she’s going to do about moving or fucking getting a place set up for everybody or being sick in the goddamn process of it all or just want my own fucking time while nobody fucking listens to me on fucking Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter can give can sit and spin on my fucking whole fist that’s how I fucking feel about Twitter because I ain’t got a nothing not one of you that you have for the most part but I’m still getting messages on my Twitter from the fucking motherfukers who can’t you listen and that all fucking nothing but time-wasting motherfuking messages I’m serious I sit and read these notifications and I just sit there and shake my fucking head the laziness the fukin disrespect and the time-wasting to just the bulshit it comes to direct messaging is just phenomenal it’s ridiculous it’s it’s I can’t even express it. You know I have so much on my fucking plates that the public just has to fucking wait a minute. and what if I want to get my life straight and let go of all this negativity that’s been going on which is becoming from Twitter, btw. so you see this bullshit about taking shit personal it’s got to stop that’s what’s pissing me off that is but it’s pissing me off its people taking my shit my personal shit personal when it’s not even yours to take as personal. It’s my personal not fucking years now if you can get that straight and understand that shit maybe we’ll be better off between each other the God damn it I need my own time and I’m tired of people didn’t you know not even listening I’m tired of a lot of shit and I’m not starting my New year with this kind of shit happen it ain’t I’m not I’m not down like that I’m not down for it at all there’s a lot of changes has taken place there’s a lot of changes in my life taking place and there’s a lot of thing that’s going to change with it and either you going to listen you going to be ignored like I have been for the last time I don’t know how many months now because ain’t nobody fucking listening still on that goddamn Twitter I’m still being ignored even though I went I can’t even get on my Twitter dude I changed it around all him and then my login no more. Listen to messages on there and I can’t even log in LOL seriously I was looking last night before I fucking fell out tired I don’t get any rest I don’t get any time to myself I don’t get shit but y’all take it all from me it’s time for me to be greedy FOR ME.
self care. And you’re welcome by the way I’m not mad at you I just had to have myself you realize with the ADHD OCD did complex PTSD and everything else that I am having it that I have these fucking drastic changes are horrific for me ain’t nobody wanted a fucking care about that not once not care to think not one time when I was going through not once. and then on top of it being at that motel 6 and having to deal with counterfeit money having to deal with possible fucking money laundering charges because of the counterfeit money and everything else that I was fucking having to deal with on top of it all nobody wants to fucking think about and had any regards our consideration for me and what I was feeling when this is about aMe. DC now do you see where I’m going with this do you see how it would make me feel fucking like nobody fucking cares. like I’m a fucking robot to everybody nobody gives any regards to me and what I’m feeling and how overwhelmed and in just what I’m going through everybody just put their shit on top of me and I have to clean up everybody shit I live cleaning up everybody shit that’s where all this is going you know I’m cleaning up a rat that ratted me out on having to spend thousands of dollars on top of that just to deal with getting a new home for me then somebody’s fucking bullshit ass counterfeit fucking money I’m cleaning that up to every fucking time of my I turn amount of cleaning up somebody’s shit that the dump on top of me and I’ll fucking tired of being used as a dumping ground for everybody’s bulshit and I’m done with it if it takes me not answering people and ignoring everybody like I’m being done so be it at this point
my second reply
told everybody to fuck off stop taking it fucking personal I told every goddamn last person that shit and you know what you may be having fun when but what about the person that you’re overcrowding or that nobody listens to or whatever it doesn’t matter I needed my goddamn space and that I was going to get it no matter fucking what because I had to be fucking rude and mean about it it got to that point so there it is you don’t like it don’t contact me no more I don’t care anymore fuck Donald make it fun for the person involved you sure wouldn’t making it fun for me I’m glad you were having fun with it but what about me I feel like a piece of garbage just a dumping ground so fuk it I don’t care anymore. I don’t fucking care y’all are having fun but y’all having fun at my expense
my second draft
When the public takes it personal
There was a question on curious cat last night about being famous and I want to address a matter that really needs to be addressed. First of all I don’t even see myself is famous but I guess the two edged sword because I was never able to put myself into a famous person’s shoes until I started working again. Being an escort is instant stardom and I don’t even like that because I don’t see myself as bad but in reality it is. So I want to address some matters that go with being famous, that goes with public demands, and all these issues that go along with this.
First of all being familiar with my writings to all know I write from my personal experiences I meant the public doesn’t understand, the public can be very damaging to a person that’s famous from my experience has been very damaging very hurtful and I’m I don’t want to be famous the question on curious cat last night was do you see any benefits from being famous I don’t personally there has not been any benefit to me whatsoever about being famous not in my eyes the anyways. The public can be very detrimental to a famous person and this is what happened to me.
So you all hear me bitch about Twitter I don’t even know where I want to begin what direction to go in with this one because it’s every direction that I look at that has been detrimental to me. I know where to start…
Taking it personal
The public seems to take things personal on a personal level each individual person thinks it’s something is done because of them somebody’s mad at them for something they did or did not do whatever you know what it’s not about you why you that special? And I’m going to break it down to you and you know I’m a tell you like it is. Y’all all know me by now I have no filters… if I’m not that special to take it personal why are y’all?? Why didn’t y’all get to take it personal when I can’t? Why does it have to always be about y’all and the public????
Simply put why can’t it be about me once in awhile what if it’s about my choices and my needs and what it’s a it’s just simply not about you.
Getting greedy wit it
Instead of getting jiggy with it the public seems to get greedy with it. The public’s greed and selfishness thanks to not having any regards to the famous person involved. In general taking it personal leads to greed and selfishness because you’re only thinking about yourselves and this is generally speaking. This is the normal behavioral pattern that is taken when you take a personal I learned this in California when Patty taught me about knowing oneself. As she taught me, When you quit taking things personal you start to see things in a different perspective. in psychology which is where I read all her all of her books from class did behavioral patterns when one takes something personal that it’s about all them, that’s greed and selfishness.
Instead of taking things personal and going away while she’s mad at me or I did something to her to make her mad at me or whatever won’t you made me think about the other person. Especially if that person’s in the public eye and famous and on top of it being an empath.
Overcrowding Not realizing that the public can overcrowd the famous person. Pushing into their personal space way too much not allowing that famous person to simply be t
my third draft
When being famous and beautiful
You know the public does not know or understand or realize the detrimental fucking damage you can do to a person and everytime I go I just all the pieces and cry. Cuz it hurts so fucking much and I can’t separate my personal feelings to make this into a perspective because it’s so fucking raw for me whats been done to me
So we’re just going to do it from my standpoint cuz I can’t do it any other way.. so this is what famous has done to me
You beautiful his name is ugly his age me I believe I’ve had shingles for over a year I think that’s with the blotches are it’s been shingles. Eye shingles at that
Your free means I cannot pay for a doctor I cannot pay for the medicine for these shingles on my face in my eyes that I’ve had for a year now.
Having fun on the internet has not been so much fun for me
It’s been the expense of me
You cannot regard or respect my wishes what I asked for you cannot allow for me to be human to be my own person for me to make my own decisions and choices the public seems to get them for me
I’m not allowed to be sick what if I’m just sick what if I just want my own time what if I’m trying to do self help what is I moan mean Time what if I have had enough what if I want changes what if I want to be selfish and greedy about my goddamn self fuck this I’m so fucking tired of being hurt I’m so freaking tired I’m not being able tto be sble to ne I’m so sick of being famous what the fuck I hate being famous I can’t stand it it is done nothing but harm me
Win the public’s beautiful turn to ugly
When the public is just having fun at others expense
Being on the Internet is fun for you at my expense
when the public takes it personal and it has nothing to do with the public
then the public over crowds of person to where the person cannot be themselves
The public does not allow the person to have self
The public does not allow for privacy
the public thinks only about themselves and has no regards to what the person wants to
here it is,
tues morning i paid tow days on my new home, looked for someone to help me, saw that person who is personal, more or less paid for the move, wore my ass out, got up, did more packing, did a call a 2, packed the last bit, moved in by 4:30 tues afternoon, started unpacking, found out i have no internet, started researching and unpacking, then did more finacnces so i could figure how much i could spend at walmart, left at midnight came in at 3 am, brought everytthing upstairs unloaded put evereything away, didnt finish till 5 30 yesterday morning, took my shower, and started off on oour home 2, did 4 screenings yesterday, started feeling sick, did a bng, after which i passed t he living fuck out for 2 hrs, work up did 2 more screenings thast werre a flat out fucking waste of time, pushed myself till 11 last night when i had a regular contacting wanting me to do an hr for 130k, i had just crawled in my bed sick not feeling good, and curled up in my blankey….i had spent my day passing out on eveyrthing i was doing yesterday, while i was emailing ppl….ummm i slept from 11 to 2 this morning, got on the phone with verizon to get internet, then paid for the program to edit the vids to get them ready to sale …then i start on the first draft which of course i get intruppeted by an email of which the last two drafts got started….
GUESS THE FUCK WHAT, I BELIEVE I FIGURED OUT THE RED BLOTCHES ON MY FACE….I HAVE HAD SHINGLES….EYE SHINGLES IN BOTH OF MY EYES AND ALL OVER MY FACE SINCE DEC OF LAST YEAR, I CAN NOT GO TO THE DOCTOR I CAN NOT AFFORD TO, I CAN NOT PAY FOR THE DOCTOR I CAN NOT PAY FOR THE MEDICINE, I HAVE TO FUCKING WORK I AM ALWAYS PAYING FOR ALL THE MESSES THAT PEOPLE LEAVE AND DUMP ON ME TO CLEAN UP IM ALWAYS CLEANING UP OTHERS PPLS SHIT THAT IS DUMPED ON ME AND IM ALWAYS SHELLING OUT MORE MONEY MORE FUCKING MONEY FOR THIS GOT DAMN J0B THAT NO ONE FUCKIGN APPRECIATES. im sick im tired i dont get any sleep im work all the fucking time i doint even have time to put out ads anymore or take pics tutres…yall have pushed everythiing on me to where this job is nothing but a money pit and harmful to me what the fuck!! i havent even showered yet, it s 8 am WHAT THE LIVING FUCK
ITS FRIDAY FUCKING MORNING AND IVE BEEN GOING NON FUCKING STOP SINCE TUESDAY MORNING, IVE SPENT $600 AND HAVE ONLY MADE $200 SINCE TUES
SEE WHAT THE FUCK I MEMAN
NO APPRECIATION NO RESPECT ABOUT ME BEING SICK, OR MY OFF TIME WHICH IS SITLL WORK ITS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE MY QUIET TIME AWAY FROM PEOPLE SO THAT I CAN GET SOME ACCOMPLISHED FOR YALL L
JUST FUCK IT ALL JUSWT FUCK IT YOU ALL DO THIS SHIT FUCK IT I AINT MAKING NO MONEY NO OEN FUCKING HAPPY INM SICK ANBD I FUCKING TIRED AND MY FUCKING BACK EAR,S MY FACE AND EYES IM GONG TO FUCKIGTN REST FUCK IT AL;L
KILLING MYSELF OVER PEOPLE THAT JUST DONT GIVE A FLAT FUCK
OH BUT GUESS WHAT I STILL HAVE TO WORK, I CANT PAY FOR ANY SUDIFED WHYYY??? CUZ IVE SPENT MY MONEY ON MOTHERFUCKERS THINK THAT SHIT IS FREE,CANT EVEN GET FUCKING SUDAFED FOR MY EARS AND THROAT MUCH LESS FUCKING TO GET THE DOCTOR AND GET MEDS FOR SHINGLES, WHY DO I HAVE SHINGLES, FROM ALL THE STRESS FROM ALL THE SPIRITUAL ABUSE THATS BEEN GOINNG ON FROM CLEANING UP AND STRESS ABOUT NOT HAVING A HOME BECUASEU OF A RAT THAT DECIDED THAT I DID NOT NEED A ROOF OVER MY HEAD AND FROM BEING PAID WITH FAKE MONEY CUZ SOEONE DECIDED I DIDNT NEED TO PAY RENT AFTER SOMEONE DECIDED I DIDNT A ROOM ….
YA KNOW WHAT THE PUBLIC HAS BEEN FUCKING SO COSTLY FOR ME, AND SO DAMN TOIXC AND BY THE WAY THANK YOU FOR DECIDINGT MY LIFE IF IM A CRAZY BITCH YOU MADE ME THAT WAY
AGAIN THIS IS A SEX WORKERS STORY, MY STORY, IF YOU DONT LIKE MY STORY FUCKING CHANGE HOW YOU TREAT ME!!! CHANGE MY FUCKING STORY!!! MY STORY IS REAL ITS MY CIVIL RIGHTS TAKING FROM ME , HUMAN RIGHTS TAKEN FROM ME, LABOR RIGHTS AND LAWAS TAKEN FROM ME, ITS ABUSE FROM THE PUBLIC THE DEMANDS THE PUBLIC MAKES AND PUTS ON ME ITS HOW THE PUBLIC TREATS OTHERS THIS IS WHY WE NEED #DECRIMINALZATION
IM NOT JUST A SEX WORKER, I AM HUMAN I AM PERSON I HAVE RIGHTS I HAVE MEDICAL NEEDS I HAVE FEELINGS JUST LIKE YOU DO