I was just doing this as a thread on twitter and my hand hit the delete button smh so it’s going in a blog instead where i have instant save a draft lol
i found these two pics the other night. these were taken dec 2013 this is when my back took the turn for the worse when i was in PA. i’ve always had a bad back. but when ashton was 5, and he’ll be 18 in nov this year, i got into a 4 car accident on the interstate, coming from baton rouge to hammond. it was at the satsuma exit, exit 19 that i had 3 other cars hit me from behind, i was the first of the 4 cars. we were the FIFTH accident that had happened that day that the cops and all were dealing with at the same time. Some how when i was hit i went from the left lane to the right had spun arouund and was facing traffic in the right lane, when i spun i had somehow wrapped myself around the stick and ended up in the passenger front seat kinda like i was still hanging on the steering wheel also. ashton was with me that like we were ALWAYS TOGETHER .
that wreck caused me to have saitica and because lousisana has shit for doctors and medical ESPECIALLY if your on medicaid. so i went for years with no help and which is the reason why i started moving out of state. because this was not dealt with at all ove a time span of years this caused me to have MAJOR NERVE DAMAGE FROM HIPS DOWN. and being that i took after my grandmothe who was 4’9 1/2″ tall who had deterriotion of the gums which is what i have as far as mouth probelms go…which means my gums always deterriatoed and could not save my teeth, my gum line would deterriate so bad that my roots and all would be exposed which is why they had to be pulled…so taking after my grandmother i got her arthitis AND degentivie diesease of the spine. which means ill get worse cause my spine is deterrioating so……at that point i was dealing siatica nerve damage, degentive diease and arthitis,
in 2013thving in PA one morning i woke up when to take a step and fell flat on my face, i could not walk it was at that point i found out that i had two buldges on my L5 and S1. now what causes my temporary paralysis is when the buldges get irritated and swell up against the damaged nerves. causing the damaged nerves to spas. so i have NERVE SPASMS …..NOT MUSCLE SPAMS. which means i lose all feelings from hips down and i cant move with the exception of the involuntary body movements that i get from the spasms….twitching….which means during this time my legs can fly up and kidk, my arms can fly up my neck starts twitching and bobbling, i fall alot cuz my legs just give on me, i drop my cigerettes alot , and ive even them fly across the room thank god not lit lmao…
ive been at the point of not being able to move with the exception of the involuntary body movements and just lay there watching body just twitch and do its thing couldnt do a fucking thing but shed a tear or two and that hurt to do…cuz we use our backs for EVERYTHING. when i hurt so bad, i pass out from the pain…i have found myself covered up on the couch downstairs when the last thing i remember was being at the top of the steps in my apt in pa, i apparantly passed out and fell down the stairs.
during this time, my son was 11/12 he had to take care of his mother, whipping my ass, he would put me on the potty and take me off the potty, i had no one but him, which i think is the reason for him wanting to kill me during this time, it took his childhood away from him…i would have to crawl and slither on the floor, which is the reason why you see my left elbow is calloused…but i couldnt stop not till my body would stop me so when i had to slither on the floor to get somewhere lol…id be mopping my fucking floor with bleach and water and fucking towel, i never stopped, i couldnt i had a kid, you do what you gotta do.
it was only when i moved down to texas that i instantly started feeling better being that with the artitis i was bedridden 6 mths out of the year from the cold up north. the heat instantly made a difference, thats when i was able to just…….————————————————->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.goooooooooooooooooo lmao……i was able to start walking again and just go non stop…….
pacing myself is very importatnt for me…if im rushing around and dont sit down and do things gradually the buldges swell and then we have constasnt cycle of being in the bed for a week or more….which is what started this week off for me,
sunday i was cleaning walls, had a client that came in from out of town, i had a mess cuz i was cleaning the walls, i juust got out of the shower from coloring my hair, had to get to clothes done, had people hitting me up EVERY FREAKING WHERE ON TWITTER AND ELSE WHERE, and WOULD NOT LISTEN THAT I HAD TO GO ….THAT CLIENT CONTACTS ME AND WANTED ME FUCKING READY IN 40 FUCKING MINS, WITH WHAT ALL I WAS DOING…..THEN ON TOP OF THAT I HAD A REFERRANCE COME IN….ALL THE WHILE EVERYBODY JUST EXPECTING ME TO FUCKING ANSWER THEM………..I WAS GIVEN AN HR AND HALF TO DO EVERYTHING THAT I NEEDED TO DO…THEN TURN AROUND AND FUCK AND SUCK. client didnt know just how bad off i really was!!!!!!!!!!!!!
monday im down, i had everyone and their brother would NOT LET ME REST….IT TAKES SLEEP AND ICE PACKS FOR ME TO HEAL CUZ ANY MOVEMENT OF MY HIPS IRRITATES THE NERVES. NO ONE WOULD LET ME REST, AND EVEN DID A CALL ON MONDAY CUZ NO ONE WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE, AND I NEEDED THE MONEY, BILLS HAD TO GET PAID THIS WHOLE MONTH BILLS HAD DECLINED FROM MY CARD SO I HAD TO PUT MONEY ON THE CARD
YESTERDAY WAS ABLE TO GET OUT OF THE BED, ALL DAY YESTERDAY I HAD NOTHING BUT STUPID PEOPLE WHO COUULDNT READ ABOVE THE SCREENING FORM WHAT TO DO CUZ THE SCREENING FORM CAPTCHA WASNT WORKING, BUT YET …..COULD READ TWO FUCKING PARAGRAPHS ABOVE THE SCREENINGF FORM WHERE IT SAYS TO GIVE ME 2 TO 3 HOURS AND UP TO 24 HRS TO DO THE SCREENING….ALLLLLLLLL DAY DEALING WITH STUPID ALL THE WHILE IM DEALING WITH MY BACK…WHICH PUT ME DOWN AGAIN TODAY………….I HAVE NO HELP I HAVE NO ONE BUT ME, YES IT PISSES ME OFF
OHHHH NOT TO MENTION A REGULAR CALLS ME AT 12:30 LAST NIGHT WANBTING HIS BNG FIX FOR 1:30 AM THIS MORNING, I JUMPED TOOK A SHOWER, FREASH MAKE UP HEELS THE WHOLE NINE YARDS ONLY FOR HIM NOT TO SHOW, WHICH WAS THE FINAL NAIL IN MY COFFIN FOR BEING IN THE BED TODAY….do you see cycle ?????????? well im fixing start showing the cycle with what clients and people do to me…and my health im fixing to start putting out those blogs….this week this what my back has looked like
that was sunday night BEFORE i saw the client while i was running trying to do everything and get dressed
these are from today, not only is going down my back to my legs but now the swelling is going up my back ……UP MY BACK. putting me again and for longer period of time, now who in the fuck is going to pay my bills if i dont work…..if im not allowed to rest so that i can heal,
i dont want no fucking pitty nor sorrow or fucking anything i dare one person to tell me ohhh im sorry yo9ur hurting, ima go off if you do….what i want is to listen to me when i say i need to go and rest
what i want is men to be grown men and fucking not be high maintainced, what i want is the two hrs that i ask for so that i can get everything ready for your visit, what i want is freaking respect, i deserve the respect.
i better not hear not one person come tell me ohhh im sorry , i dont want nor welcome pitty or sorrow or any shit like that i know my fucking limits, and i can live fine within those limits, but when i push myself due to men who wanna pull out the dumb and stupid cards to play, i cant play those stupid card games you men like to play
so i deal with major nerve damage from hips down, 2 bulging disc in my L5 and S1, degentive disease, arthittis, and ontop of everything now i have fibrmoylgia to deal with now….