The visions that I see for this website I’ve never fully divulged to anyone. There’s so many of you this includes my abusers and attackers even my fans and followers and my friends are those that I have called my friends see this website as negativity as a weakness it’s just a place for you to stalk to find out more information to use against me. I have seen those that I never thought in my life who I called and loved to be friends and family turn against me because they saw a vision that wasn’t even mine turning into blinded hate and disgust. I want to share my full vision with all of you.
This site was to be my tinker toy, a place where I can learn, grow, and continue to learn the things I found to enjoy after kids. NOT to be a place where it’s forced labor. This was my place of retirement and enjoyment. This was a place for my journaling, as I heal through all the pains in my life, which was supposed to be turned into a place of encouragement and strength for others. Also a place for information for resources on the subjects that I researched that I knew about.
While so many of you look down upon me and judge me, you’ve seeing my writings as a weakness as a way to manipulate and control me. I’ve seen them to be my strength, a way to work through my problems on my own, I see them as empowering. All the negativity YOU see, I see it’s obstacles and hurdles I’ve overcome. What I see, to look through my eyes and my perspective. I see the many wars that people in general more, so men have put me through. Literally WAR! For the last 4 years I’ve done nothing but fight many different wars all at one time. Wars that I stood alone, by myself, little ole me standing firm on my ground for what I believed in. Not once have I wavered nor rocked or gave up any part of my ground. I by myself alone, HAVE STOOD AS AN ARMY OF ONE! Looking dead square into all of your eyes my enemies and foes as well as the few true believers in me doing nothing but fighting unnecessary wars, fighting hatred and judgement. You may see that as a weakness and negativity, I feel like Rocky Balboa right now personally speaking.
When I came to San Antonio I have been through so much hurt I could not feel anything but pain and hurt inside. I came to know what my emotions were again, at first I didn’t know how to control them as it new “thing” to feel for me. I loved and fell in love and cared all so unconditionally. I’ve given so much of myself and yet even more still so much was taken from me.
Well so many of you have seen very little worth in me, harping, and focusing on my not so good qualities. Turning it all into a way to taunt me and make jokes and fun of me. You’ve never once wanted to try to think or find out of my best qualities. What I really had to offer and to give. I have achieved so much on my own while fighting all these different wars that men have caused. I went from barely knowing how to turn on a computer to building websites SharePoint WordPress, Wix, Weebly and just recently Squarespace. I’ve learned coding to a degree I’ve learned how to be my own it department to a degree. Web design Web Graphics, Business Formation, Adult Law, Data & Privacy Laws, Copyright laws, Trademark laws and the list continues to go on what I want and achieved…. In between never-ending battles of war; fighting, struggling homelessness, hunger, and no rest. Being forced to live and very inhumane conditions, and in prison cell, forced isolation and alienation. What you thought you were doing to hurt me, I used as a way to in better me. While I love you seem to be really busy in my life wanting to fuck it up, I was staying at yours and bettering ONLY me. When you thought I had no control, I WAS IN TOTAL CONTROL, when you threatened me that I would be all alone, I was honestly praying for that day to come. Lol So many of you took and twisted to use against me, I flipped it right back around and used it FOR me.
And just to be clear, the many of you who really believe I need to go get help from what you see in me. These signs that you see is crazy in psycho or my spelling and speech or whatever else you can come up with harping on things that that’s just not important to me. These are obvious signs of abuse and trauma. My stutter is obvious signs of brain damage that has been caused that more than 100 of you have caused. And yet I still have accomplished what I’ve set out to do. The signs and symptoms of trauma…. I see them as the many battle wounds.
Well many of you have stayed stuck in your blinded hate trying to destroy me, I myself chose to move on a long time ago. I didn’t till the desire to stuck in a place of hatred and judgment. Well 99.9% of you showed me and I’ve taught me exactly what hatred is. I tried to lead by example I showed you what unconditional love really is. I stayed humble, I stayed honorable, I stay true to who I was. I’ve shown you compassion loyalty and dedication. With so much hate in this world there needs to be more love shared. And while I know and by no means do I claim to be perfect I try every day to better my own self.
Here’s what I’m going to end with so so many of you all of you matter of fact definitely had the wrong vision of me. But then again you choose to have those visions and opinions about me. Personally, I don’t give a flying fuck cuz this was never really about you personally. and really what the hell does it matter what you think or feel when I don’t even know who the hell you are. The visions you had of me you forced upon this website and what I had for it.
You all have taught me so much, being my best teachers in life, both good and bad. Because of all the things that I have gone through, making very definite changes but not defining me. We will start to see the website turn into an advocate site. To help others, by expressing my own experiences and what I’ve learned I hope to ease the hurt and struggle even if it’s just one person’s life.
You will see this site become an advocate for the rights of sex workers. Not one person should ever feel like they cannot ever call out for help safely securely and secretly. No one should ever feel the sense of invasion of privacy like I have felt and experienced. The predators and abusers that use the loopholes of the laws as a way to instill fear into those they hurt to keep them silenced. There needs to be reformed no one should ever feel or experience what I have,
It is through the hatred of experienced in the heart in my life that you see the compassion of advocating being a representative and a voice for targeted individuals through rights for sex workers.
AS A BEAUTIFUL ROSE WITH A HIDDEN DIAMOND INSIDE, I WILL OPEN UP AND BLOSSOM TO FIND THIS NEW ME INSIDE TO FIND OUT WHO I AM AND WHO I BECOME. I WILL ONCE AGAIN LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF, AND TO ONE MORE HARD TIME….LEARN TO ACCEPT THE SCARS I NOW CARRY FROM ALL THESE BATTLES, THROUGH THIS WEBSITE…AND MY VISION….AND MY VISION ALONE, I WILL FIND THAT HIDDEN GEM INSIDE!
April 30, 2021