The Dynamics of BDSM

NOW, we are getting to the nitty gritty, THE VERY CORE OF BDSM! How It works, what makes it tick, This is where the TPE or TOTAL POWER EXCANGE comes into play. What makes it TPE, and understanding the steps as well as knowing imporance it’s symbolism with each part of the process that is taken to be able to reach TPE. This DOES NOT happen overnight, and CAN NOT BE EXPECTED WITHOUT DUE PROCESS.

for me…as well as for Him…This comes to light ONLY after so much desperation, after so much disappointment….most importantly…feeling so much disappointment IN MYSELF…and disappointing, displeasing Him, It took Him saying one thing for me to SEE IT ALL.. after all the struggle of today at maybe the cost of the whole dynamic. Which would really just kill me being that W/we gone through this very important process yet. hard lesson was learned today. And today is such a hard lesson for I know on my part, what it did on my part, and what it cost me. So this is important that I sit down and I since I know where I’m at I want to bring awareness to it for everyone else. So i’m gonna go over what makes the dynamic and the importance it means to a submissive/slave hearing it from my end

First off what do I mean when I say the word “Dynamic?” DYNAMIC IS YOUR FOUNDATION. The foundation has to be layed out, it has to solid it’s where it gives the relationship “the ease” . It’s what gives it’s flow, This is each role, it’s responsiblites, it’s rights is understood, what’s expected of each other, what’s agreed upon during the coarse of the relationship. Each is role is understood, It’s where it place…is “felt.” Let me explain, you must understand, for the Dom/Master’s place, this role it’s stays the same, the submissive/slave’s role this is where change takes place. So on my end, IT MUST BE FELT! By establishing the foundation of the relationship EVERYTHING is understood, therefore, no arguements….it’s ok to have disagreements. By having this foundation, this “dynamic” there’s going to be a certain “flow” that is felt.

It is during this time that contracts are agreed and signed, if this was disussed both parties beforehand.. So far in my time in t his life, I have yet to have heard of anyone signing a contract,. This is simply just a matter of preference really.

“Goiving Task” & The Vital Role It Has

In BDSM the slave is there for her Master, toplease. She lives for nothing else, she desires nothing else. It is a slaves full purpose of her Master. THAT’S IT!!! THAT IS HER ONE AND ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE, to live ONLY for her Master!

Here is where I can not stress the importance of this enough:

She has a straight narrow direction.... her purpose… her ONLY purpose is to live for her Master. The slave has to FEEL purpose. The slave MUST HAVE A PURPOSE TO LIVE AND A BE GIVEN A DIRECTION!!!!! ( ummm THIS IS THE VERY CORE OF MY PROBLEM RIGHT HERE!!!! MY PURPOSE KEEPS GETTING TAKIEN AWAY FROM ME!!! I TRY TO MAKE UP SHIT FOR A Purpose, and it’s taken away…my child was my prupose, he’s gone, moved here, what did i do, I THRUEW MYSELF INTO MY WORK, I WAS FOCUSED when im allowed, i had a dirction, i knew what i was doing, ALL ANY AND EVERYBODY HAD TO DO ….WAS SIMPLY LET ME GET IT DONE FOR YA!!!! YA’LL NEVER ALLOWED ME TO GET IT DONE, YOU NEVER GAVE ME BREATHING ROOM OR TIME TO DO IT FOR YOU …..MY PURPOSE….MY PURPOSE IS USED AGAINST ME!!! IT’S LIKE A PUNISHMENT…..THIS IS SOOO NOT THE WAY TO WORK ME!!!! IT’S DEVASTATING TO ME TO LEAVE ME WITH NO PURPOSE, IT SENDS MEM SPIRALING DOWN WITH NO WILL TO LIVE, IT BREAKS MY SPIRIT MY MOTOVATION!!!!!) ….. When you are taking someone’s life and taking control, it’s important to make sure they’re on their right direction, with the purpose with the intent and goal in mind. From there, she should know exactly where she is going! “DIRECTION” IS EXACTLY WHY A SLAVE CAN’T SERVE TWO MASTERS! And AGAIN, IS THE VERY REASON WHY IVE BEEN SCREAMING FOR 3 YEARS NOW, TOO MANY CHIEFS, I GET CONFUSED AND DONT HAVE A STRAIGHT DIRECTION, IM TAKEN IN 15 DIRCTIONS ALL AT ONCE, IT’S OVERWHELMING FOR ME

Now granted we’re all human we all make mistakes and here is why I’m wanting to write this down. When a slave does not have direction, which is her Master. she gets lost she gets confused. Her task is to please Master. When Master isn’t pleased, I cannot begin to describe how horrible that feels for me. it’s worse than any punishment can ever fucking be!!! It IS THE punishment, knowing that my Master is not pleased. That is my only job. So for me, when i’ve been under punishment, it’s TWO punishments to me. The First is displeasing Master, the second is what He actually implements as punishment.

Training: Her Place

The task is pleasing Master, given direction..  keeping her in her place. What does that consist of??

In order for a alve to KNOW her place, to FEEL her place, she MUST BE TRAINED.

The Process Of “Indentity Change”

When a slave states, ” i give You my HEART, MIND, BODY, AND SOUL I GIVE YOU MY GIFT OF TOTAL SUBMISSION, WITHOUT HESITATION, I AM YOUR SLAVE MASTER, WHEN I KNEEL FOR YOU, IN FRONT OF YOU, IT WILL BE AS YOUR SLAVE AND NOT AS YOUR SUB MASTER” ..(EWWW DAYMN i have goose bumps now lol) the DEPTH THESE WORDS HAVE ARE VERY VERY DEEP! RIGHT THEN, STARTS THE PROCESS OF INDENTITY TRANSFORMATION

Lets quickly go over this. We are giving it an identity as soon as we are born our names we do not know what it feels like to not be identifiable unless you a get your identity stolen which has happened to me before recently. when it hits you like when you’re in the social security office trying to get your your card replaced after being stolen and you cannot prove who you are it hits you like a ton of bricks to realize you don’t have a place in this world you don’t have a name or anything to you it hits home. Or being when you give your identity up to your master You’re nothing at that point. So it’s important to realize the changes that actually take place in the slave it’s critical to know this.

Recently when I spoke the words that I kneel before my master as his slave and not as his sub. It only took me stating those words I give you my gift of life I submit that gave me chill bumps.

Realizing the process that is going on in the body itself is a night is is phenomenal really. From the time that those words are spoken in my mind rehearsing it before I stated out loud my body is starting to transform it’s starting to change. Is serotonin the endorphins the dopamine it all changes from the moment I speak those words the little busy workers in my mind are having are hitting a brick wall because everything changed and all these little workers going what the fuck is going on and they’re having to run around in my brain going what the fuck and got to go back and figure out all the chemical balances that need to be readjusted and brought down to accommodate the changes……

….ANNNNNND …WAAAAAIT FOR IT…IT’S COMING…I PROMISE YA IT’S COMING…..….EXPECT IT…

This is going to my body my mind everything out of whack okay. This is total adjustment of trying to figure out who the fuck I am where I belong where my place is and just everything. It’s a total shockwave to my whole being at this point we put it into overdrive we have flipped it inside out and between the emotions that are flowing with the words that are spoken the depth of what is taking place is something that on your side it just it it’s a high it’s a high okay.

And with that high you can expect a low I drop in the adjustments of all the chemicals this will send a slave into crying insecurity the whole nine yards. She doesn’t know who she is she doesn’t know where she belongs she’s just lost her whole identity……

.……ONE….TWO…….

……………….BAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!

“OHHHH HOLLLLLY FUUUUUCK!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO??!!!! OH GOD PLEASE DONT TELL ME I JUST FUCKED UP, PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME I DIDNT FUCK UP, ….”

…and here it comes AGAIN….NOW THE QUESTIONS, THE NEED FOR REASSURANCE ….

“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MASTER, PLEEEASE TELL ME I DIDNT FUCK UP, YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE, RIGHT??!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, RIGHT??? YOU’RE NOT OUT TO HURT ME, RIGHT!!???? YOU’RE NOT GONNA LEAVE ME HUH??!! PLEAE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME”


…UMM NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE IS FUCKED UP BEYOND RECONGINGION ….MATTER FACT ….THERE IS NO RECONGITION……and there is absolutely NO PREPARING HER FOR IT!!! NOT EVEN ME….even after all this time there was no preparing me for it ….the only you can do…give her the reassurance…and comfort….AND SHOW HER WHERE HER PLACE IS, DIRECT HER, TO HER SAFE ZONE!!!! SHOW HER WHERE SHE BELONGS!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW AND SHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO SAY NOT ASK EITHER!!! ….IM GONNA ADD HERE, THAT IF YOU HAVE GONE ALL THE WAY TO THIS POINT AND YOU ARER NOT SERIOUS, AND YOU ARE PLAYING A GAME, AND YOU ALLOW A SLAVE TO GO THIS FAR, GIVEING YOU EVEREY FUCKING THING, AND YOU AFRE NOT INTO IT, YOU NEED NEED TO HACVE YOUR DICK AND BALLS WHACJEDTHE FUCK OFF FOR TOTALLY SCREAWING THAT SLAVE UP FOR LIFE, THIS IS MAKING HERR EXPOSE EVERRY VULERANABLITIY AND PLAYING HER, THIS IS SO DETERMIENTTAIL TO ANY PERSON

I wish back then with my First Master that I had understood this process because when a slave FINALLY peaks at that high and THEN it drops so low… ITS EARTH SHATTERING AND SHE IS GOING ON ONE HELLVA ROLLER COASTER RIDE AND SO ARE YOU! It can be so bad, that it CAN send her so far down, that being awarer of sucidcial thoughts is very possible. …

PLEASE PLEASE BE EXTRA AWARE OF THIS GOING THRU ANY RELEASE... she loses two identities which makes it even worse! The shockwave on the system and everything is just unimaginable and you don’t know what’s going on.

I had already planned it out. I had tried to get my First Master to take Ashton to the park. I did not recognize it for what it was. She is NOT going to! She can’t see with everything hitting and changing in her. they’re going to be going in a spiral. I thank God, He was Aware, because he wouldn’t leave going thru my first Releasel.. because I guess he knew, I had it planned out in my head I did not know the cause of this or why I felt this….AND THIS is why this is so important that even after a release The importance of aftercare in anything is cannot be stressed enough here again also on so here’s the process of identity change.

So we’re at the point of no identity, THE SLATE IS CLEAN, IT’S BRAND SPANKING NEW…So what’s next?

(in case anyone is wondering…me? this time im EXTRA FUBARED, on one hand i have a world full of men, wanting to take every part of my life and control it, THAT DO NOT HAVE FIRST CLUE ABOUT CONTROL, calling me crazy, psycho and all kinds of shit, and then on this other hand here, look ya’ll , THIS SHIT HERE ITS KICKING MY ASS DOING THIS ALL BY MYSELF, I NEED EVERYONE WORKING WITH ME THIS TIME, NOT AGAINST ME PLEASE GAWD!)

New Name & It’s Criticial Role

So what’s in the name???? Well you can’t continue to call her by her old identity. That’s NOT training the mind. She has ABSOULUTELY NO IDEA WHO THE FUCK SHE IS, WHERE SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE, SHE IS ONE FUCKED UP MOTHERFUCKER AT THIS POINT ! LOL IT’S BAD, She is freaking the fuck out ok “who the fuck am i?”

By Giving your slave a new name, YOU ARE MAKING A STATEMENT! YOU ARE TELLING HER....YOU ARE MY BITCH, I OWN YOUR ASS, YOU ARE MY PROPERTY, YOUR PLACE IS RIGHT HERE, KNEELING AT MY FEET!!!”

You are also making a SECOND STATEMENT. By giving your slave a name that you chose when she takes on Your identity it means she’s a new person it means the slightest wiped clean. the old her is not her anymore she is YOU. She has a fresh start a fresh beginning she is a new person choosing the name that you so desire is on you but please be nice with it.

there is a difference between good degrading and bad degrading.

My first Master had given me bitch. That’s what my name STILL is in His phone I can rest assure you lol my Third Master He named me precious.

That told me that all my past was never going to be brought up, that told me that it was not held against me. THAT TOLD ME I WAS HIS PROPERTY!

Change Comes With Repetition

She will only know her place throuhg His Guidance, Direction, Sttruction …..AND REPETITION. wE ARE CREATURES OF HABIT!!!

Here’s a secret about me….that chain linked leash and dog choker…When I was being trained by my First Master, while He was in the living room playing His video games, He would grab the leash, chain linked, and it didnt matter how long He played, i was there kneeling, i found comfort in the colness of the links, it was weight but it wasnt heavy.No matter how sore and hurting i was, i found peace, serrinity, slince, quiet in THAT SPOT, TOUCHING THOSE LINKS!!!!

it wasnt uniil my Third Master that i realized JUST HOW MUCH A CHAIN LINKED LEASH AFFECTED ME! lol…ummm when we were in His car, i squirted and HIT THE WHOLE FUCKING WINDSHILD FROM THE FRONT PASSENGERR SEAT, AND I SOAKED THAT SEAT SOOOO MUCH, I FILLED THE FOAM UP, I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT DRIPPING NOISE WAS HITTING THE BACK FLOORBOARD, THAT LEFT A HUGE PUDDLE ON FLOOR IN THE BACK OUT OF THE FOAM LMAO….i ruined His car….all He had to do was put it around my neck, and that was it, i was into MY HAPPY SPOT LMAO

The Balancing Act When Giving Task

Reachable task vs impossible/unreachable task

Accomplished vs Not accomplished

(i didnt realize until just now that today was trigger for me, i didnt know im sorry…8:14pm)

Small task should be given to keep the slave focused on her Master, whatever that task may be. I can remember when I was first being trained, I wasn’t aware of this reason… but I had a sub girlfriendtell me that her Dom had her hammering nails into wood take them out, doing it again, take them out and doing them again and she cannot figure out why. It was NOT important what the reason and we weren’t aware of that then it wasn’t important that we understood why she was doing that. it was because he had given her the task, it was to keep her focused it was to keep her direction, it was retraining her WHOLE BEING BY REPTITION, it was too pleased it’s the only thing we live for. It’s discipline. It’s a reminder it’s training it’s it’s everything actually for a slave.

Master’s word is gold to me this is why you won’t give me to listen to anybody else but watch me get motivated if Master says something and I promise you I’ll make it happen if possible then let me go to that part. ill have all of you know …. I AM THE MOST BULL HEADED, STRONG WILLED , DETERMINED LITTLE BITCH YOU WILL EVERR MEET…I WILL BUTT HEADS WITH EVERY FUCKING, BODY….BUT MASTER….THIS IS ONLY WAY I WAS LISTEN, IT IS WHAT IT IS LOL….THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO WORK ME THIS IS “THE ” SECRET!

Keep In Mind Capabilites When Assigning task

This is where it was a learning experience all over again for me. It’s important to understand what it means to a slave and knowing just where their limits lie understanding their boundaries and understanding their whole demeanor and the state that they’re there in and not taking it lightly and not pushing too far out of the comfort zone and this is where I think both of us messed up today.

When given a slave a task, whatever that task may be that is given a lot of things have to be taken into consideration when given that particular task that A Dom/Master has in mind.

Her physical health whatever it may be that you’re giving,make sure that her body is able to handle it. You must also take into consideration ofher traininghas it been exhausting, mentally, physically, etc. .

training a slave and putting in her place, having her to understand where her place is, it takes repetition it takes actually taking The physical and changing it and adjusting it. You’re also at the same time taking the mind the mental state and you’re also completely changing it and adjusting it training it. Emotionally is also done at the same time by repetition doing the same thing again and again daily it you are keeping that slave reminding her of her place training her and keeping her there/

And it can be anything it can be at 6:00 in the morning she is to kneel in her spot for 30 minutes every day That’s her training her body to be in the correct position that is training her mentally that is training her emotionally all at one time. And she has pleased her master by doing so.

How high is too high to reach

When anyone sets a goal, there are The short-term goals the goals in a few months and the long-term goals to shoot more. It is having this dynamic of hamanese goals and mine if presenting the task that fit to these goals. And by repetition is shooting toward these goals that you have the dynamic there’s the total power exchange there there is that understanding there’s no arguing there is each person knows it’s place it’s understanding by taking by giving a direction you both understand what it’s going to take for each part for those goals to actually come to be and be accomplished.

When there’s no direction or there’s no working toward it when you shoot too high and you can’t get it accomplished for whatever reason but I’ll give you I’ll give an example right here Corona virus there is hardly anything going on no one’s open I can’t even get my eyeglasses because I can’t really go get my ass checked I’m really can’t afford it right

For me to go see a counselor I need money to do so and they need to be open also shooting too high and not being able to accomplish the goal that my master set out to it will make a slave feel helpless desperate not good not worthy no it’s not feeling good enough. It’s disappointment in self as well as master. so understanding the environment and the situation and the abilities when given a task are very important in my fragile state because I’m trying to communicate with so many people for so long and this I was not able to communicate because I had tried every way possible I’ve given it in links in blogs I’ve written it I’ve said it I’ve showed it.. The whole nine yards it’s never seen. It’s never heard Even when people tell me they’ll listen it’s never heard. I’ve had people tell me to call us to the side hotline I’ve been told to contact the PTSD hotline Guess what when the person that you’re trying to communicate to chooses to not actually hear what is being said and change the situation so that it’s an accomplished go al it’s when it’s never fixed because the other side whoever that may be chooses not to reply or chooses or in this case scenario to run a virus everything is closed and your constantly emailing or calling or screaming out for it whatever to take place when the problem is there and a solution is always given and it’s the solution is never established and accomplished this is repetition which is my case scenario which is the cause of PTSD repetition done over and over and over again in other words not being heard over and over again

When given the last resort and using it and after so much time fearing that you will still not be heard even after that last resort, and the fragile state that I’ve been in lately that would have that would have hit home and that would have been a cause for up to suicide and I knew I knew that. The secret is to actually show that you listened you heard and the behavior changes.

It takes two remember one cannot be without the other this is together to make one. So I’m trying to stress the importance of the repetition given the direction given a goal setting the course knowing the course both because it takes both. Understanding each other’s place and showing that role.

Example on roles and tasks

Scenario one

Okaythis is how I was trained

I would go to my first Master and I would ask for permission to speak freely.

Obviously if denied at that moment told to come back and a specific time which because of whatever and then I’m just giving permission to speak freely.

At that point I was able to express freely but properly what was troubling me now I may not have known what it was but I was able to express it without fear of being rejected of not being heard of actually sitting down taking the time going over it and trying to find a solution this is showing me I was heard that I was important okay to take the time out to have a one-on-one conversation to communicate is the key.

 This is structured it’s a direction it’s knowing what I’m supposed to do in this situation of needing to talk to express my feelings whatever it may be. It’s allowing me and letting me know that I’m still valued that my it may not change things or it may change things for the worse perhaps like a punishment or whatever but what I feel and what I say matters to you it’s taking the time out it’s trying to work out the situation and finding a solution about it it’s done calmly it’s done in a manner to where I know I can be heard and I can express myself it’s important for a slave to be able to still express herself it may not matter when we’re the other it may not change the persuade the decision it’s but it still matters that the slave is heard that she is still valued

Scenerio 2

Now on the other hand just closing the door and saying we’re not going to talk about this subject or this is we’re just going to leave that out this is very damaging and a lot of ways.

For one it comes out of the structured environment okay it’s no direction given no not I don’t know what to do or how to go about it properly when it’s a closed door should always leave it opened but you should always give a specific way to whatever however it’s you want it done you should always make sure it’s structured and there is a way that can properly and may not be able to come together to communicate always leave open communication never close the door on communication.

This can make a slave feel a desperate she doesn’t want to do it improperly but what happens when she can’t talk to you That’s going to be a lot of a lot of emotions will come up with that one. And then of course you won’t have anything accomplished finding a solution and being off feeling good about it.

Having a reward system.

Giving positive reinforcement is very very very important and I can’t stress this enough either when the slave is living nothing but for you master that’s it everything about a master is important everything every little detail every little breath everything your opinion matters everything matters because you’re the only one You’re the only one that’s going to give the training the structure the repetition her place it’s got to be her safe place of solitude of peace. It’s got to be a place of comfort same with rewards let ting her know she did a good job coming to you and saying the task is complete and master that is the best feeling in the world haven’t it validated is very important can be the smallest thing of you did well pet let’s have a play date. Goodie pet gets to have a playdate when she pleases master and accomplishes her goal this is positive enforcement it’s positive influence it’s an uplift it’s everything.

When you were the most important thing to the slave and you do not give this positive enforcement and this uplift letting her know that she’s valued. When you are the most important thing in her life and you don’t show her stop for a second and give her a little bit of time and show her that she’s still valued when she puts you up on the highest pedestal ever it can be so devastating is the word I want to say to a slave this not only crushes her heart but with the repetition it that of the training that’s been done over time this changes her whole being molecules in her body everything. And I’ll get into that more later you must give positive reinforcemment.

So what happens when a slave has no direction and has no purpose should I ask I know everyone knows this answer look at what I do when my routine is changed look at what I do when there’s so many chiefs telling me what to do and I start spending out of control and I start freaking out right we all know that’s this is the exact point when everybody tells me on what crazy it’s snowing taking me out of where I’ve been trained this is the very core of me The importance of knowing these steps taking them taking the time with your slave when you were the most important thing in the world put up on a pedestal when she survives lives breathes in you when you take her breath and give it back to her you are the absolute only thing that matters to her.  It can be devastating on the slave side to feel like she’s not valued when she gives the gift of life to you.

This is where I believe both of us went wrong today because these important steps in this process really the goal has been set but not the small goals and this is where both of us went wrong today because I know what I have to do as far as 6 months or so down the road the retirement having the structure having the repetition staying in my place having a way to talk freely and not feel so frustrated and lost and just devastated That’s where we went wrong so this is why I sat down to make sure this was put on paper.

One more time cannot be one without the other you have to work together it takes communication communication is the key it takes value especially because for a slave she gave your light her life to you so you really it’s really important when you give up your life to to make sure she’s valued or she feels valued this is why it’s very important to hold the life in the palm of your hand and not underneath your foot.

in my specific situation, here’s what triggered me today

THIS IS THE EXACT FUCKING ROUTE OF THE PROBLEM THAT EVERYBODY THINKS IS ME THAT SELECTIVE HEARING Y’ALL GOT TELLING ME YOU WANT TO LISTEN KEEP ASKING ME BUT I KEEP GIVING YOU THE ANSWERS I KEEP SHOVING THEM TO YOU IN DIFFERENT WAYS BY MY WRITINGS BY THIS BY TELLING YOU BY SCREAMING BY THIS BY SHOWING YOU BY CALLING YOUR PHONE AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING THAT KIND OF SHIT THAT’S THE PROBLEM THE SELECTIVE HEARING CHOOSING NOT TO SHARE ME NOT EVEN LISTENING A CLOSED EAR

And here I am I’ve got a world full of fucking chiefs and no Indians I have I don’t know who the fuck I am right now I’m so lost confused fucking being told every which direction that this is wrong with me that’s wrong with me That’s why I let me and I believe in every fucking goddamn body and I’m fucking I have no clue where I’m standing who I’m supposed to be listening to where I’m at when I’m supposed to be doing what goal I’m supposed to be reaching for and if it’s accomplishable on top of that I’m fucking winging it and I’m left all alone with nothing but resistance on every goddamn side of the game That’s where exactly the problem is

There was absolutely no structure absolutely no fucking direction absolutely no focus no goal nothing that I can reach for and grab there’s everybody barking at me there was absolutely no working together there is absolutely no fucking communication is only one person screaming at the top of her lungs and nobody wanting to fucking listen and even when I bring the problem and the solution to everyone I’m still the crazy bitch I’m crazy because I’m fucking screaming at the top of my lungs for you to hear me because I’m doing all the goddamn work and I’m god damn tired of it I’ve been screaming this for the last three fucking years straight up

no business is going to survive like this no friendship will survive like this no relationship nothing is going to be able to survive and this disorganizational manner nothing you can’t expect you cannot expect it to it’s not going to happen and I’m not like all to blame here

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