In light of what I have just done tonight, it’s now time to write this blog. Because of the significance of the words I have just spoken and still feeling the ‘high’ alone with the ‘weight’ of these words. This will be the last decision that I make on my own. Understanding these first few sentences and the seriousness of which i speak them can only be fully understood by doing this blog. So i’m going to explain to you each role in BDSM, the differences in the roles, the rights and responsibities with each role. As well as make sure you understand the creeds for each one of these roles.
The importance of what I have been trying to convey out to you in the first few blogs of understanding that before you took the steps to pursure BDSM you had to know the seriousness of which all of this is taken. Not just the risks factors that are involved but everything else that surrounds BDSM, what makes it so powerful, so beautiful. You have to be able to know the place that you claim, you have to be able to stay in the place that you claim. YOU MUST KNOW THE VALUE IN LIFE BEFORE YOU CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION. You MUST know the differences between a lie and the truth,. Since we all lie so much in our every day lives, you MUST first be able to know and be able to identify what IS a lie and what IS the truth. You MUST know the different kinds of lies. YOU MUST KNOW WHAT ACCOUNTABLITY MEANS, YOU MUST BE ABLE TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY, YOU MUST ACCEPT ACCOUNTABILTIY AND YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE CONSENQUENCES IN YOUR ACCOUNTALITY. Also, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF TRUST, AND BEING COMPLETELY HONEST, NO MATTER WHAT THAT TRUTH IS. You MUST BE ABLE TO CLOSE PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL, FOLLOW STRICT THE PROTOCOLS.
I know that the blog “Seeing The Value Of Life Through The Eyes Of An Outsider” was long winded, I know that you got lost. But what I did was because we all lie, each and every one of us lie so much in our lives, little white lies, stretching the truths, omitting the truths that the REAL TRUTH IS NO LONGER RECONGINZED. AND BECAUSE WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE REAL TRUTH “REALLY” IS ANYMORE, THE LINES GOT BLURRED, ONLY BECAUSE WORDS BECAME CHEAP. NO LONGER HOLDING ANY WEIGHT, OR VALUE OR MEANING ANY LONGER BECAUSE WORDS STOPPED BEING USED BY DEFINITION. INSTEAD WORDS BECAME A TOOL TO USE!!! WORDS LOST VALUE, MEANING AND HONOR BECAUSE WORDS HAVE BEEN TOOLS TO MANIPULATE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT TO “TAKE” FROM SOMEONE, TAKING FREE CHOICE AND FREE WILL FROM SOMEONE ….BY MANIPULATING WORDS AROUND,….ESSENTNIALLY LIEING!!!! AND THIS IS VERY REASON WHY NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT ACCOUNTABILITY IS, MUCH LESS HOLDS ACCOUNTABILITY.
YOU MUST FIRST BE RIGHT WITH YOURSELF AND UNDERSTAND THAT BDSM IS CALLED “THE LIFESTYLE” BECAUSE ……IT IS A WAY OF LIFE, THE POWER IN THE WORDS SPOKEN….like the words that i have just spoken, ARE SO POWERFUL THAT EVEN AFTER AN HOUR AND A HALF AFTER I HAVE SPOKEN THEM THAT I AM STILL SHUDDERING, WITH MAJOR GOOSE BUMPS AND ALL THE HAIRS ARE STANDING STRAIGHT UP ALL OVER MY BODY AND IM STILL GOING THRU ORGASMIC QUAKES AND NOT EVEN TOUCHED MYSELF!
To FULLY grasp and be able to experience things like “cumming on command,” “cumming without being touched” or like I have done before, cum continously for an hour and a half mind blowing freaking earth shattering completely soaking the bed going into convulsions NEVER BEING TOUCHED…while my Former Master stood in the corner watching me for an hour and a half ORGASMS…..in order to be able to accomplish this, you MUST understand that
THE TRUE POWER OF BDSM DOES NOT COME FROM FORCE OR BY MANIPULATION…TRUE POWER IS IN THE WORDS THAT ARE SPOKEN, THE FULL WEIGHT OF WORDS CAN ONLY BE KNOWN BY VALUING LIFE, ONLY THEN WILL THE GIFT OF SUBMISSION, AND THE GIFT OF SLAVERY, and SPEAKING THE WORDS I’VE JUST SPOKEN be COMPLETELY grasped and undersood
of why I still shudder and have goose bumps like this:
And ONLY WORDS WERE SPOKEN, ONLY I SPOKE THE WORDS!!!!
In BDSM you take an OATH, A COMMITMENT, YOU FULLY TRUST, ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT! THERE’S NO HESTIATION! (and yes i’m capatlizing all of this because of the GREAT IMPORTANCE ALL OF THIS IS!!! )
What I did was I gave “real life” examples of my life, and I pointed out the reasons, who is actually accountable to what. I was pointing out what was lies and what REAL TRUTHS ACTUALLY WERE. Yes it got long winded, but life doesn’t just hand you the answers in short versions. So lets go over the roles and explain them to you.
The Gift I Gave
That’s as far as I had gotten last night. My head was spinning and swarming, I was antsy. I knew what I had done. I am only sharing this for one, because my writing is a gift in itself, and even though I can not give anymore than what I have given, my life, I still give. I’m wanting to show you what this “gift” really means. I’m wanting to show you that when you know your place that you claim, and you stay in your place, when you are fully aware of your decisions and you value words, the beauty there is within BDSM means more than life itself, means more than anything of monatary value. THE GIFT ….IT CAN’T BE TAKEN. THE GIFT …HAS TO COME FROM DEEP WITHIN AND BE FULLY GIVEN.
In Aug 2017, I had just started advertising on Backpage. The first time I met Him, as i was on my stomach, from behind He had whispered in my ear that I was gonna be His sub. And as He said those words, I felt His hand close around my throat. I TRUSTED. I still can’t explain it, I just whole heartedly trusted someone that I had only less than a few minutes. But STILL….I TRUSTED.
He was a client. YES…during this time, He ALSO…TRUSTED. Trusted in me. TRUSTED SO MUCH, that when I had went to a biker friend of mines to have internet to get my ads out one day, when He had contacted to see me, and I had told Him that I was somewhere else just for the day, that it was cool to come by where I was at. He NEVER ASKED A SINGLE QUESTION. The only thing He asked was “what’s the address” ….Now….to fully understand what I’m trying to tell you here…..NOT ONCE did He question HIS SAFETY, HIS SECURITY, HIS PRIVACY, HIS WHOLE WELL BEING when, being a black man walking in to the door of a bikers home!!!!!!! NOT ONCE!!!!! He KNEW that I wouldn’t put Him into harms way!!! HE KNEW IT, HE TRUSTED IT, He NEVER, NOT ONCE questioned it.
While everyone has lied, has changed, has hurt me, has felt entitled to take from me, has degraded me, has done all these despicable, horrible things to me while I’ve been working, feeling so special not to screen, the whole nine yards……
This ONE ‘MAN” understood His place, and stayed in it. This Man NEVER HAS CHANGED, He has stood GROUNDED, SOLID. He gave me FREINDSHIP…FIRST! We began to evolve…..the process of BDSM. We went from a provider/client relationship, to “testing the waters” so to speak, with going through the “in between” process, going from client, to Personal. One week He offered my donation, showing me I was still “valued,” that He wasn’t out to take advantage of me. The next week, I gave to Him, i gave my time to Him, my self. When He showed me He valued me as a person, I WANTED TO GIVE, He DIDNT HAVE TO TAKE. …..i GAVE!
Then out of the blue one day, I WANTED TO GIVE MORE…So I gave the next step, for me…..that was greek! that was crossing the lines that I have drawn when it comes to knowing the differentiation between my personal life and my private life. THAT WAS VERY SIGNIFCANT TO ME. It was then UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT NO WORDS, EXACTLY WHO HE WAS TO ME.
It was during this time Him still as a client that I had met up with the married man….with things evolving like they were, over the course of time trying to break it off from someone that I KNEW wouldn’t go any farther than where it was. And even though things in all of its transitional phases….time had to take care of all that needed to be taken care of. Through out all of this, i have been “marked” His property, Marking me, letting everyone know that I was His, by His bite Marks. Those bruses that has been seen. They were NOT just bite marks or bruises from the bite marks. THEY WERE MUCH MORE, MUCH DEEPER, THEY HAD MEANING, VALUE! THEY WERE A CONSTANT REMINDER THAT HE HAD TAKEN ME AS HIS OWN, THEY WERE PROPERTY MARKS, TERRITORAL….That even though He understands I work because that’s how we met, He was telling everyone, that I BELONGED TO ANOTHER!
This coming August will be 3 years since we met, since he whispered in my ear that I was gonna be His sub. Last night, I GAVE, And even though I have already submitted, ….SUBMITTED AS His SUB…..I still had CHOICE. …..Last night…..I SUBMITTED…I SUBMITTED AS HIS SLAVE! I CONSCIOUSLY, FULLY AWARE, NO ALCOHOL NO NOTHING,, KNOWING FULL WELL OF THE WORDS OF WHICH I WAS ABOUUT TO SPEAK, I GAVE ….THE ULTIMATE…TO THE ONE MAN, THAT WAS DESERVING, TO THE ONE MAN, THAT HAS NEVER TAKEN, TO THE ONE MAN THAT HAS EARNED HIS ENTITLEMENT, …….HIS TITLE…….I GAVE MY GIFT OF SUBMISSION, I GAVE HIM MY LIFE, I NO LONGER HAVE CHOICE, I NO LONGER HAVE IDENTITY, I NO LONGER AM FREE……
Know that I’m only showing these shots to show you what I mean, and to let you see for yourself…and make damn sure,,,you read the last two screenshots, ,make sure you understand what i mean by what i say. because….THIS IS SERIOUS
Showing The Difference …
Now for the REAL reason why I’m sharing something so special to me….FOR THREE YEARS I GAVE…I GAVE TO MY WORK, I GAVE…I CARED, I CARED HARD AND DEEPLY…I CARED FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU….
I GAVE TO THE CLIENTS, I CARED FOR THE CLIENTS, I PUT CLIENTS FIRST……I GAVE AND I GAVE AND I GAVE….AND
YOU TOOK, YOU TOOK AND YOU TOOK AND YOU TOOK MORE, YOU STOLE LITERALLY EVERYTHING FROM ME, YOU STRIPPED ME OF MY DIGINITY, MY PRIDE, MY SELF WORTH, MY HONOR YOU’VE TRIED TO TAKE FROM ME, YOU TOOK MY TEETH AND HELD THAT AGAINST ME, YOU TOOK MY SAFETY, MY SECURITY, MY PRIVACY, YOU TOOK ME EVER FEELING SAFE AGAIN, YOU FELT ENTITLED TO CLOAK YOURSELVES IN BLACK MAGIC TO WALK INTO MY HOME AND SHOW ME YOU WERE IN MY HOME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION, ….THEREFORE TAKING MY SENSE OF SECURITY IN MY OWN HOME, YOU’VE BULLIED ONLINE, YOUR STALKED ONLINE….EVERY FUCKING PLATFROM BOTH PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL SOCIAL MEDIAS, ADVERTISERS ALL OF IT, STALKING ME, ….STALKING ME FOR A MONTH AT MY FRONT DOOR, KNOCKING ON MY FRONT, ……THEREFORE STEALING AND TAKING MY WHO SENSE OF SECURITY, MAKING ME JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN, THEREFORE TAKING MY PEACE……MORE IMPORTANTLY …MY PEACE OF MIND…THE MORE I GAVE, THE MORE YOU TOOK FROM ME…..THE MORE I MADE CLIENTS FIRST IN MY LIFE, THE MORE YOU MISTREATED ME.
THE PRESSURE FROM THOSE THAT ARE SO DAMN ENTITLED, THE STRESS IVE BEEN UNDER FROM “FEELING SPECIAL” …..ESSENTIAL LOSING EVERYTHING ABOUT ME, MY BEST FRIEND OF 22 YEARS, NOT RESPECTING OR GIVNG ME PEACE OR THE RESPECT TO MOURN MY DAD LAST JUNE, ALMOST A YEAR AGO, SO MUCH SHIT TO WHERE I WAS LOSING GOBS OF MY FUCKING HAiR, CAUSING ME TO HAVE SEVERAL BALD SPOTS IN MY HEAD.
YOU TOOK, TOOK ALL THE FUN OUT OF EVERYTHING, YOU MADE ME GROVEL BEG PLEAD IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD JUST FOR SHELTER AND FOOD IN MY BELLY, LEFT ME HUNGRY 3 DAYS FROM CHRISTMAS THIS PAST XMAS, ….WHILE I GAVE FREE SESSIONS AWAY A COUPLE OF CHRISTMAS AGO, YOU’VE BEAT ME DOWN…..EVERY DAMN TIME I HAVE TREID TO GET BACK UP…CONTINUALLY BEATING ME DOWN….THE MORE I GAVE THE MORE I CARED, THE MORE YOU TOOK FROM ME, YOU BROKE MY SPIRIT ..YOU TOOK IT ALLLLLLLL LITERALLY EVERY BIT OF ME, INSIDE AND OUT..
IN THE PAST 3 YEARS, YOU’VE PUT ONE HUMAN BEING UNDER SO MUCH FUCKING SHIT, THAT I NOW HAVE PERMANAT DAMAGE, I NOW HAVE TO DEAL WITH MEMORY LOSS, A STUTTER WHEN I TALK, MY HANDS NOW SHAKE ALL THE TIME, I CAN’T SLEEP, SO MUCH FEAR HAS BEEN INSTILLED INTO ME, YOU TOOK MY MIND, MY SPIRIT, YOU TOOK IT ALL,
TREATED ME WORSE THAN SHIT ON THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOES, CAGED UP HUNGRY FORGOTTEN, NOT VALUED, CAN’T FUNCTION IN THE PUBLIC WORLD ANY LONGER, ESSENTIALLY WHEN I GAVE YOU MY HEART AND I PUT YOU, THE CLIENTS, THE CUSTOMERS, THE WORLD, MY JOB ..FIRST…GIVING YOU MY LIFE….YOU TOOK EVERY BIT OF MY LIFE AND RUINED IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE…
AND NOW JUST AS YOU’VE DONE WHEN YOU TOOK MY TEETH FROM ME, MAKING FUN OF ME, YOU AGAIN, PERMANANTLY DAMAGING MY BODY, PERMANTLY…AND AGAIN…GOING ON EVERY PLATFORM IM ON…DEGRADING ME, MAKING FUN OF THE PERMANANT HANDICAPS AND DAMAGE …..THAT AGAIN…..YOU HAVE CAUSED ME……………IN PUBLIC FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE……THE PERMANANT DAMAGE…
YOU CAUSED A HUMAN BEINGS LIFE SOOOOOO MUCH FUCKING TRAUMA YOU ALL HAVE PUT ME THROUGH , THAT IT HAS CAUSED ME TO HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE….IM REALIZING THE MARKS ON MY FACE…THATS FROM LACK OF OXYGEN FROM THE BRAIN DAMAGE AMONG OTHER THINGS IM SURE….
Here’s The Difference
When I gave to Him, TRUSTING IN HIM MY LIFE, he wrapped a dog choker around my neck took the chain linked leash, made me reach for His dick to suck it, and made me reach farther and farther as He pulled away from me, making me CHOKE MY OWN SELF REACHING FOR HIS COCK, THATS HOW BAD I WANTED IT, MAKING “ME” CHOKE MY OWN SELF OUT …O-U-T….OUT….NOT ONCE BUT TWICE…I CHOKED MYSELF OUT TO WHERE I LOST MY URINE…LIKE HANGING MYSELF…..
GUESS WHAT He did…..HE GAVE ME BACK LIFE!!! TWICE THAT DAY!!!! NOT ONE MARK, NOT ONE BRUISE, NO SCARS…NO SCARS ON THE INSIDE, NOT MARKS ON THE OUTSIDE! NOTHING!!! ……I GAVE HIM MY LIFE, I CHOKED MY OWN SELF OUT, HANGING MYSELF FOR HIM…..AND HE GAVE ME BACK MY LIFE UNHARMED!!! HE HAS DONE THIS…A FEW TIMES NOW
I TRUSTED HIM, NO HESITATIONS, NO DOUBTS, SCARED YES, BUT NOT OF HIM, WHEN HE PUT A PLASTIC BAG OVER MY HEAD, I GAVE AGAIN…MY LIFE….HE SHOWED HE HE WOULDNT HURT ME, HE SHOWED ME IT WAS OK TO TRUST, WHEN I GAVE, HE TOOK, HE MADE ME TAKE MY OWN LIFE….BUT ………HE GAVE ME BACK LIFE!!!
AGAIN…..TODAY….THIS AFTERNOON, WHILE ASSHOLES ARE BLOWING UP MY PHONE, NOT GETTING THE HINT THAT I WAS BUSY….I GAVE TO HIM…MY LIFE, I TRUSTED HIM WHOLE HEARTEDLY, MY VERY FUCKING BREATH, TAKING A SHIRT OF MINE, PUTTING IT AROUND MY NECK ,,,,AND NOT EVEN REALIZING IT…I WAS OUT….BARELY REMEMBER SCREAMING OUT “OMG” WAKING BACK UP…AS HE WAS FUCKING ME!!!
.….AGAIN………I GAVE HIM MY LIFE…….AGAIN…..HE TOOK MY LIFE……AND YET AGAIN……HE GAVE ME BACK MY LIFE…..UNHARMED, NO SCARS ….NO MARKS INSDIE OR OUT…..WHEN I GAVE, HE TOOK………AND HE GAVE BACK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Closing Statements
i shared this for a few reasons, i wanted you the public to see JUST EXACTLY WHAT TRUE BDSM IS, I WANTED YOU TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE, I WANTED YOU TO KNOW WHAT TRUE BDSM WAS ABOUT,,,,THE TRUE DYNAMIC, WHAT TRUE POWER REALLY IS…..I WANTED TO SHOW YOU THE ULITMATE FUCKING DEEPNESS THAT CAN NOT BE DESCRIBED IN ANY WORDS WHAT BDSM REALLY MEANS AND WHY A SLAVE IS SO FUCKING LOYAL TO HER MASTER!!! THERE’S ONLY ONE THATS SO DESERVING, SO SPECIAL SO ENTITLED………..
…….ONLY ONE HAS EARNED THE TITLE…..MASTER….HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT IS SO DESERVING, SO SPECIAL, SO ENTITLED…..HE IS SO ENTITLED…HE COMES FIRST!!!!!!
. …SO THIS IS WHERE I NOW……
………DRAW THE FUCKING LINE!!!
I have a job, i still care for humans, im an empath, i can’t stop caring, i hate that about me, but it is me, i have to work, yet i am very honestly starting on my exiting stratagy….i am moving towards retirment, i have no ide about any of this yet, i dont know how im gonna do anything i cant live on 783 a month……..so i still have a job that i am responisble for…..
but this IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW , YOU WILL NOT TAKE THIS FROM ME, YOU WILL KNOW YOUR FUCKING PLACE AND FUCKING STAY IN IT, YOU WILL RESPECT, YOU WILL GIVE ME MY FUCKING PEACE…..NONE OF YOU HAVE EARNED SHIT FROM ME,
YOU WILL BE PATIENT, I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN, BUT YOU ARE NOT FIRST, YOU NEED TO SHOW ME YOUR SERIOUS …BY FOLLOWING THE SPECIFIC DIRECTIONS I HAVE IMPLEMENTED, YOU WILL NOT BE OVER RUNNING MY LIFE, ONLY HE DESERVES MY LIFE….THERE WILL BE SEPARATION BETWEEN MY WORK LIFE ANE MY PERSONAL LIFE,…….AND YOU FUCKING BETTER RESPECT THAT…
HERE IS WHAT IM GONNA TELL ALL OF YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW….AS MUCH AS YOUVE TAKEN FROM ME, AND I HAVE KEPT MY WORD OF HONOR TO ALL OF YOU, KEEPING YOU SAFE FROM HARM………
AGAIN IM GIVING YOU MY WORD OF HONOR…..YOU EVEN LET ME FUCKING THINK YOU ARE EVEN THINKING OF SLINGING YOUR FUCKING PILES OF SHIT ON ME……THIS IS NO FUCKING THREAT….THIS IS STRAIGHT UP GIVING YOU MY WORD OF HONOR, I WILL MAKE FUCKING DAMN SURE THAT I GET UP REAL FUCKING CLOSE AND PERSONAL …..AND SLING YOUR SHIT AS HARD AS I FUCKING CAN ALL BACK ON YOU…ILL BE ALL UP IN YOUR FRONT YARDS, SMEARING ALL YOUR SHIT YOU SLUNG ON ME IN THESE 3 YEARS ILL PLAY IN IT AND WRITE WORDS IN THAT SHIT …..IN YOUR FRONT FUCKING YARDS FOR YOUR WIVES AND KIDS TO SEE…FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE….
JUST AS YOU’VE DONE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO….you get what you give, you treat others as you want to be treated is my last ending statement words!!!! ….like you were told from get go….YOU ARE IN ROGUES WORLD, I AM DIFFERENT, I AM NOT LIKE ANY OTHER, ….YOU FORGOT WHEN YOU BEAT ME THE FUCK DOWN…..THIS BITCH AT ONE POINT AND TIME….WAS GOING TO GET THE FUCK BACK UP!!!! DONT DOUBT MY WORDS THAT HOLD EVERY BIT OF THEIR WEIGHT AND I WILL BACK IT ALL UP!
may 12th, 2020 6:29 pm