Right now I don’t think anyone can imgaine what it feels like to be stalked by any stalker, unless you have have had to deal with one. Let alone what it may feel like to be stalked by your own child. Not only stalked but tormented and fucked with in ways that is just unbelieveable to anyone. But I’m gonna say this….when you raise a child, you KNOW them!!!
I’ve suspected it all along, but within the last couple of days it’s became very apparent for me!!!! I’m putting all of this into writing. Just for the simple fact, in case something happens to me. What Ashton is doing is cyber computer crimes out of the ass. Not to mention so so so messed up. He left before he turned 13, why don’t he just leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!
ok, so I’ve written about how he found out about me being in the adult industry. That he was on Mocospace as a 47 year old man, when he was FIFTEEN. YESS 15, and blackmailed me, couldnt figure out what he wanted me to do with these blackmails.
So, and thank God for screen shots. Him and his dad pulled a manupliative move. Something like my mom would pull to get information that she wants. And I ended up giving Ashton my address, not knowing any better All of this has only become more clear and apparent since I left from where I was staying. just to let you know, this writing my be all jumbled up cuz right now, my thoughts are going from one thing to the next. Just going over everything in my head. I mean this is some serious fucking shit and I KNOW there’s no words of comfort that anyone can say, I KNOW THIS. that sucks..yea…big time!!! There’s no moving there’s no REALLY way I can prove it…just yet……But believe me, ….all I’m gonna sat is….he is gonna slip up…somewhere down the line…he is gonna slip up, He thinks cuz he is a minor, at this point that he is not touchable! omg this fucker has got one evil mind!!! How did “THIS” come from my womb…omg i’m sickened to the pit of my stomach.
Ok, so first things first. to understand the mind of a killer, you must first THINK like one!!! When he was 10 and 11 years old, I talked about the Mendez Brothers. I’m almost sure we all rememberr that case. Where two brothers killed their parents. That case will mark history just like OJ Simpsoms case. I had told him that normally a seriel killer will start with their parents. Yes, it’s freaky to have a talk with your child about this, I mean, isn’t the birds and the bees talk bad enough lol….I had even told him that I knew how he was gonna kill me, that he would do it in my sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Told him that he would do it the cowardly way….kill me while I was sleeping with a knife. yeaaa…can you imagine? No I KNOW you can’t, I know this…i KNOW…I know…wow…It was at that point, I had taken all the knives and scissors and shit out of the apartment. I kept the butter knives. i mean really…huh..so I left the butter knives,,
Not only that but I had also changed my bedroom door knob. I put a lock on my door!!!!! There was TWO different incidents about this….One night, was in such a deep sleep, and I don’t know, all of sudden I jolted up…now mind you, my door WAS LOCKED! I jolted up and there he was standing at the foot of my bed!!! I guess he was just standing there “watching” me sleep….hmmm,….What was it he REALLY doing? What was it he was REALLY thinking??? Only him will ever be the one to know. Looking back, as i’m typing, I can almost feel that he was trying to figure out how to go about it!!! Ya know, plot it all out,
The second incident same thing, was in a deep sleep then I jolted up…Ok, so i didn’t have cable right, and had gotten an antenna, Had kept the antenna, just right outside my window for better reception. So it was always cracked just a little, enough not to messed the cord up to the antenna. Well, when I had woke up, I had hollared out, ‘Ashton, where are you??” To which I got answered with “I’m in the kitchen mom” with him being OUTSIDE MY FUCKING WINDOW!!!! I guess in his kids mind, when he had said, “im in the kitchen mom” that I wasnt gonna be able to tell he was outside my window??? i don’t know. Anyways, to be able to understand it all clear, I lived in a townhouse apt, and outside my windown was the roof….So with his answer, I asked him who the hell he was outside on the roof with, he had said a name, I can’t remember the kids name. But he wasn’t out there with anyone. He was out there, because he was plotting his moves. And I KNOW THIS I KNOW IT WITH EVERYTHING IN ME I KNOW IT.
He unlocked a door bedroom door for one reason. And I know that. When he left and I had found all the things that he had hidden away. Underneath the couch coushians in between things, Just little nooks and crannys, stuff that he had put away and hidden away from me. To sit on the floor and to sit there crying wondering why he left you alive. why he didn’t kill you. crying because you already know the answer. You already know that as smart as he is, that he was smart enough at 12 almost 13 years old to let you live so he didn’t go to jail and so he could torment or torture you for the rest of your life.
Sounds like a horror story out of book or a nightmare doesnt it??? well, it may be for you!!!! But this all sooo real to me!!!!!!!!!!!! VERY REAL! It’s a nightmare that I can’t ever wake up from and have a normal life. You have no idea what it’s taken for me to write this. Because I’m scared, but because i’m scared, it’s the reason why im telling my story, because I really do fear for my life. and someone out here needs to know it. and know just how serious this really is.
I can’t tell you just how alignated I feel, or alone i feel. I cant express the fear that you experience, the sickness in your stomach. having the shakes all the time, or the throwing up or the dirahrarra that you keep when your stalked. When there’s no choice because your job requires you to be in the public eye. that even though you feel so alignated and alone that being in crowds makes those feelings WORSE BY 100 TIMES.
i can’t tell you what it feels like when you try and try and try to tell the public something and they wont listen…and you can’t say in public whyyyyy your demands these things so that you can pin point certain things that are happening to you…but no one listens….for those that can’t understand what i’m talking about that dont have a mind of a predators, let me explain a little bit. For a stalker, a seriel killer, a rapist, IT’S THE HUNT that is their high that “adreline junkie rush” that i talk about in my bio, a predator, for them, hunting their target, stalking them, tormenting them, scrunitizing their every move, EVERY LITTLE THING THAT THEY DO, torturing them, this is getting into a predators mindset, what makes his dick hard as a fucking rock!!!! it’s not just about the kill or the rape or whatever,,…..in reality, it’s everything leading up to that final action. thats their high…..
and well, most twitter exerts that kind of behaviour…if you think about it….to understand that for a provider the kind of people we deal with…99.9 % are assholes, treat people like shit, ya know you get blurred on who is who and then….when you stalked and you KNOW WHO IT IS ,but cant do anything about it, and they KNOW YOU CANT, you then can’t help but to be jumpy all the time, to be suspicious all the time, cuz you distugish who is who and what is what, but it’s worse when your dealing with a stalker, so much worse, when your in the public eye and…well take twitter for example, its wide open the whole world ok…all these people and you don’t know who is who. hwhat is what, i mean you can not, no one cver know the fear that im feeling right now, absolutely NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
For example, now that im looking back on everything it points straight to ashton…ummm even as a “child” he tried to dominant me, he destroyed every relationship that i was in in one way or another, pull his little stunts, no one could have my atttention…no one but him, and when he blackmailed me, that was obvious….trying to be a pimp…i swear no one will ever know just what im feeling to look back and NOW HAVE THE CLAIRITY THAT I DO AND KNOW ITS YOUR STALKER, BUT NOT ONLY THAT, YOUR STALKER, IS YOUR FAMILY, BUT WAIT,,, THAT FFAMILY MEMBER IS YOUR CHILD WHO WANTED TO KILL YOU BUT LEFT YOU ALIVE OH BUT WAIT I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT BEING CURSED YET, THIS IS FUCKING SOMETHING THAT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE BUT YET IM SO FRIGHTENED SO MUCH SO THAT IM WRITING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I FEAR …ASHTON WILL BE 18 NOV 21ST. AND IM SCARED
like im not typing all of this for anyone to think that it’s a fictional story IM ACTUALLY TYPING ALL OF THIS BECAUSE WELL TWO REASONS FIRST AND FOREMOST I FEAR FOR MY FUCKING LIFE AND SECONDLY IM TRYING HEAL IN BETWEEN FEARING FOR MY LIFE SO IN CASE SOMETHING DOES HAPPEN TO ME THAT YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
You know I’m sorry but that just made my stomach even more worse and I’m sick and everything else you and the sorry I wish I could I don’t wish anybody could feel this but let me just to understand it to be able to understand it I can’t say nothing just nothing to say just I’m sick to my stomach I’m shaking even more I’m crying even more and as if it’s hard for you to process it how do you think I fucking feel and I don’t even know how to feel right now if it’s hard for you to process can you possibly try to understand that for me to process it’s my own kid and all these things that I’m having to deal with that it’s alive nightmare that I can’t get out of can you at least try I know it’s not possible
And I’m trying to process it myself and just of whatever body hitting me up you know I mean there’s just times when I’m trying to process things on my own as well and I don’t know how to talk to anybody about all this either so you know I don’t know what to say or do or you know just to tell somebody I don’t want to talk today but I don’t want to talk to even say that I want to be allowed to be human and to be able to process all this which theres no way I can
And i don’t have anyone to just hold me you have no idea you just dont have any fucking idea not none nobody knows thats what makes it worse no one around no one to hold and comfort me no one that can understand no one its like having this dieseasr you know when other people has the same disease as you it comforts you i dont have that i dont have none of it nothing to comfort me nothing just straight fear you have no idea what it feels just struckened frear and pysholofical damage, there’s no one around to protect me.
ya know for what i go through, i don’t let it show, the only time that i break or allow any of this to come out, is through my writitngs. its healing it helps me, i keep a good head on my shoulders, i have to i have to keep myself straight and thinking right because if i dont i may get hurt, and then it puts alot of people at risk, so if anyone plans on using my writings against me like i just know has just got to do just because they have nothing else better to do, go unfuck your self, because im a strong ass motherfucking bitch for all the shit that i deal and have been dealing with. and if anyone cant see the strength in me for what all i deal with your blind as fucking bat. and thats whats wrong with a good portion of you especially on twitter, you wont let anyone be a fucking human i swear wont allow for anyone to have feelings with out it being costly to that person these kinds of people yea your shit doesnt stink either huh i wouldnt have any of this shit not none of it, if people would just quit fucking with me and bringing me their shit entitltements,…
my son is entitled so much so that whatever anger he has in his little childs mind just was so entitled to kill his mother just becasue he decided his angry at me and to hold on to that anger or what ever it is and just do what he is doing now huh…he is so entitled and have that right huh my god, if anyone,,,,just DONT COME TO ME ABOUT ENTITLEMENTS I SWEAR TO GOD DONT NO…NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO DO SUCH THINGS AS THIS NOT NO ONE!!!!!!!!
When Your just trying to process all that is going on, and the public overcrowds you just wont let anyone be a human!!!
Lets see why i blew up yesterday
IM SORRY BUT I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON TO JUST FEEL LIKE CHATTING AND HAVING MY PRODUCT STOLEN FROM ME AT 6:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING ESPECIALLY CHATTING WITH PEOPLE WHO JUST WANNA USE PEOPLE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEM
IM SORRY BUT HERE WE GO ITS 7 30 ON A MONDAY MORNING, I KNOW YALL ARE TRYING TO CHECK UP ON ME, BUT IM RUNNING A BUSINESS AND JUST MAYBE IM ON THE PHONE DEALING WITH BUSINESS….FOR 2 YRS MY TIME HAS BEEN WASTED LIKE THIS, TO WHERE IT WILL TAKE FOREVER TO TRY TO CATCH UP…BUT NO ONE HAS ANY REGARDS FOR ME FOR WHAT I ASKED AND DEMANDED, OR FOR MY TIME OR FOR WHAT I AM ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH…JUST AS LONG AS THE ATTENTION WHORES GET THEIR ATTENTION. AND THEN WE HAVE THE TWITTER EMERGANCY…..UMMM NO THAT WASNT ABOUT ANY EMERGANCY, THAT WAS ABOUT GETTING IN MY FUCKING BUSINESS NOT ALLLOWING ME ANY ROOM SCRUTIZING MY EVERY FUCKING MOVE ON TOP OF ME WORRYING ABOUT WHAT ELSE I GOTTA DEAL WITH….YA’LL MOTHERFUCKERS WILL ABSOULTELY DRIVE A BITCH FUCKING OUT OF HER MIND, DRINKING AND FUCKING DOING DRUGS ALL THE SAME TIME A……AND THEN….WANT TO POINT FUCKING FINGERS AT A BITCH…..GO FUCK YOUR SELVES CUZ I GOT ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH!!!!!!!!! AND
AND WAIT I KEEP A GOOD FUCKING HEAD ON MY SHOULDERS AND EVERYONE WOULD GO FUCKING OUT OF THEIR MINDS THE WAY YALL TREAT ME!!!!!!!AND THEN I HAVE MY CHILD THAT I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO ADMIT I GAVE BIRTH TO THAT PERSON IS NOT HUMAN I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT IS…BUT ITS SCARY AS FUCK TO KNOW THAT IVE BEEN DEALING WITH A CHILD THATS WANTED TO KILL ME AND WITH ALL OF YALL…WONT GIVE A PERSON NO FUCKING BREATHING ROOM UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
so thats what happened yesterday, fucking just everyone on twitter just doing what they damn well please, not taking into consideration thats it a monday morning, that im on the phone talking business with business people not having any regards to me or my life or the business at hand that i’m dealing nor that i may have a life elsewhere or a kid that is i dont know…i dont know what you call him…and/or anyone else that just decides to do what they damn well please when it comes being in peoples business….because “your’ is that fucking perfect…my god, talk about overcrowding a person and not given a fucking shit otherwise….this is the exact same mentality that my son has and has had this is why im going through because poeple just have no regards of others and just think im anger or i dont like that perosn that gives anyone the rights to do just do whatever to kill t hem….yea that gives jusification huh…thats so fucking much bullshit ive never…my god….smh i swear, so after i deactivated twitter again….the first thing in my was this:
LIKE I VENTED YESTERDAY, SOME SELFISH ASS PEOPLE THAT HAVE NO REGARDS OF ANYONE ELSE BUT THEMSELVES
so about cityxguide so i believe it was a few weeks ago now, someone on twitter hit me up on DM and told me that he saw my pics on cityx guide that were in witchita kansas, so im like what? so he sent me screenshots and sure enough four of my pics have been stolen so the screenshots below is this time
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