As I’m standing at my sink washing a few dishes in only a big T shirt and panties, Lights down low, candles going….swaying my hips to the blues, ya know, that kind of blues where ya just close your eyes and feel that slow nasty grind. Yeaaa…talk about getting lost in the feel of the music. One can NOT ever imagine what this actually feels like for me! When I became aware of myself, of how relaxed and just grooving, like I use to as the music changes from Larry Garner to Tab Benoit. my memories floating back…back home to Baton Rouge. Back to every blues fest, to voodoo fest, ohhhh and the strawberry festivals, then to all years of Mardi Gras parades …and getting my big “pretty beads” 🙂 Talk about a special kind of time, going back, rinising the dishes, I take a deep breath and let it all out, when I did, I felt myself come ALIVE again!!! Back to that person that would ONLY be known BEFORE i stepped on Texas Soil. Still swaying with my eyes closed standing at the sink, I now know that it is time to start telling my tail. I can now find those words that I’ve been desparately trying to figure out how to form to speak on something that many of you didn’t and couldnt understand…..to talk about something that for me, is such an horrific experience, so horrific to me, that I now have come to ter ms that I will never ever be able to convey the fear that now forever burns within me. And to be able to ONCE AGAIN be just so relaxed and free and just be….just be in the music of my culture, takin a deep breath….is one thats just truly a blessing for me. I feel the sense of peace and stillness once again, I didnt know if I would ever be able to figure out how to feel again.
First….Before I Start…
To the world out there that’s reading this, you MUST know a few things before I get started. First, none of this can be told in just one blog. You also really need to know that for me, this has been such a horrific nightmare that I could not ever wake up from, that has been happening over a period OF YEARS, not months. To be violated in ways that is not as “common” violation. For my home to be violated by the use of black magic, therefore cloaking themselves and walking straight into my home not being detacted and decescreting your home is taking this to a WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL, I can assure you….and the amount of spiritual exploitation and abuse, both mental and emotional, let’s not forget the physical abuse, the physical toll that it’s taken on me…smh…I can’t ….there IS NO WORDS,sooo soo so very deep, that I have experienced during this time, *taking a deep breath*….you must realize that when your in the public eye. The public by the mere hatred that’s in this world now, that the public can really do some way major damage to any one person just for whatever reason that may be conjured up. It’s VERY IMPORTANT TO ALSO KNOW, that though I’m now writing about this, those that mean harm ARE STILL OUT THERE AND WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE. You must know the risk and dangers that are involved in what I’m doing now with speaking and trying to help those around me, within the community, those t hat care about me, to help the world to be a little more understanding. I’m not sure if i can ever help you to be able to grasp such darkness and black hatred that this really is You will never be able to grasp what it is like to be living like I have for so long and then be looked at in such terrible ways, thats not even close to being me…the real me….. You also must know that as soon as this is published, which is only the first blog of many, that it’s gonna piss these ppl off that hold nothing but blackness in their souls. .As they have no heart, and by what’s been done to me, they only guaranteed themselves to the exact same fate as I have experienced. There are things that have to be left out, some very key factors in what I’m doing. See, for men, I know that’s only natural you have to ask all kinds of questions, and for men…it’s this thing, ya just gotta know…I know this, this is exactly what ruins your suprises most of the time though lol….but …ya see, I havent been able to say a word, I’ve been having to live with this with very few knowing and there’s absolutely NO ONE THAT KNOWS IT ALL …each person that has to come to help only knows bits and pieces. But do NOT exactly second by second, all the damage that has come to be my fate by the hands of humans that have decided that I needed to be deemed to literally live hell on earth. Not one person knows exactly what it’s been to live like this over a long period of time. My body is once more tight tense my shoulders all up in my neck and im shivering once again. You can not possibly know what it does to a person when their body lives like this literally all the time for years. You can’t possibly know what it can do to a person to cry literally all the time. And see, me talking about this, I’m sure gives my attackers a sense of accomplishment and great satisfiaction within their black souls. Cause you don’t realize i have to think on THAT level all the seconds of my life now. Somewhere out there in the world of Twitter, they are closely closely watching me!!!! It’s probably best I screen shot this and release this out to my facebook first, before I hit the publish button.I know that It’s gonna be needed that I ask my friends to stand beside me again, as I once more take this second HUGE step in my very purpose of this.
Why The Need To Get This Story Out?
I believe that in order for any one person to begin to grasp JUST how deep this REALLY does go, how well this was thought out and planned, and executed. Not to mention the continued persistance of directing that kind of horrible horrible black energy towards someone over THIS amount of time. When you have the full perception of just how far one would go over the time span of a years, is way more than astounding to me. I can say, you won’t need the any chuckies, jasons or freddies, and i can assure you that new show “Evil,” You don’t need all that fake stuff when your actually living it in your life.With the amount of energy that has been used to TRY to break me down to literally just about nothing, losing literally everything and everybody around me, those that i love and care for, had this energy been that of light instead of evilness, I do believe there would no problems in this world…just astonunding, really is. ….So this needs to be broken down and explained, with putting my thoughts down also cause this is making RE-LIVE WHAT IM STILL LIVING, if you can understand that. This is NOT going to be easy for me at all!!
First of all, you must realize that you can NOT look at anything from the “right now” perspective. You HAVE to take more than a few steps back to realize just what is going on. So writing everything down and taking pictures is very important. Doing a Time Line to see patterns taking place. The cycles of things that have happened…that IS HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN actually. To look at my writings just as you all have done..”bitching, whining, moaning, complaining, etc. Like I keep saying, there is a much bigger here than what meets the eye. When i go back and look at my writings. It’s pain that i see, its hurt, its no one listening, its no one helping me its patterns its cycles, soooo much that no one realizes at all.
Also, when there’s so many people that tell you “your crazy” and you KNOW, YOU JUST KNOW, that SOMETHING IS GOING ON BUT CANT QUIET FIGURE OUT JUST WHAT YET…,…For me, to have so many people look at, looking and telling me i’m crazy all the time…when you are always so desparetly scrambling to try to explain and tell everyone “heyyy look LOOK AT IT LOOOOOOOK AT IT SOMETHING IS GOING ON, ITS NOT ME WOULD YOU LISTEN PLEASE….SOMEONE JUST PLEASE FUCKING LISTEN AND SOMEONE HELP WITH THIS.” …..AND yet, no matter how many times you write it and in the many different ways to put….its like this curse has made sure that no one hears my screams…its like for me, its like being buried alive and you wake up to find yourself in a coffin buried and your beating and the coffin …but yet no one hears you. thats a scarey thought huh? NO one hearing you screams calling out for help…Yea ….for RIGHT AT 2 YRS, I can map out the last year now…now that i had started documenting everything like I have.
Here’s my other reasons. because I don’t know how to get all this to stop, i need help with this.And also, I tell my stories because there may be someone else out there that need the help like i do right now, and for whatever reason comes across my writings and is able to find something, anything in my writings, whether its comfort, strength, some answers or just to know that their are not alone….cause this is the hardest thing in the world for me to do. but it’s something in me that’s JUST DRIVING ME TO DO THIS. FOR WHATEVER REASON (S).
The Storm Of Confusion
You know, one would never in their lives would think this could happen to you. I know i’ve have made a good many mistakes in my life, but I mean, we all have. There’s NOT one person that’s better than any other. And I’m not the kind of person that does anything wrong really, I actually live a pretty boring life and have for a good long time. I don’t steal from people, I don’t lie, I uphold honor as the code that I live, Old School. and my integrity has carried me for many years now. So, when I found myself to be realizing just the possibilty of being the victim and being exploited in this way, …ummm I have not even began to really deal with this part yet. By the time you realize and you to thinking, “Wow, man, do I have a curse on me or something” that’s so damn deep for me, that way past needing my hip wadders lol…I mean it’s like your standing, you are the eye in this crazy storm just is constantly just surrounding you. And it’s so much so, the degree of what was going on, was literally when I would say, theres’s 15 ppl hitting me up on Twitter, another 6 on Tumblr, 10 on messenger, AND BE HOLDING ANYWHERE BETWEEN 3 TO 7 CONVERSATIONS ON MY WORK ALL AT ONE TIME! ….YESSSSSS I VERY LITERALLY MEAN EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SAID. You can not know what it’s like to be bombarded very literally all at once like this and be an empath!!!! there’s literally so much swirling that’s hitting me all at one time, that im actually FEELING all at one time, the amount of confuseon …omg just…oh im getting an headache even now as im typing….So very very literally, in this state of total obliterating confustion that is going on, YOU WILL NEVER THAT IT HAS HIT YOU AT ALL! I promise you.
And here’s the thing, this is what i’ve been struggling to try my best to get anyone, someone, even JUST one person to grasp JUST how bad it was hitting me alllll at once…and honestly I have not been able to really accept just yet, the fact that no one will know…..ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW THE DEGREE THAT I WAS GETTING HIT AND BOMBARED ALL AT ONCE. I felt like….like maybe a hen house and just getting pecked 30 ppl all at once, and i mean, out of no where, it was stupid crazy the way it would happened,. It was really wild the way it all go down.
November 9, 2019 What I found Today
Think about this, that’s pretty blantant, that’s making sure that i know someone has been in my home without my knowledge…or even walking in my door ok that FUCKING VERY BLANTANTLY TELLING ME!!
(Part of ‘this” storm of consfusion” ….which I’ve never had the chance to explain any of it, Those times where I just threw the pics up with no explaination, and you didnt know what the fuck i was trying to do..well, i was trying to get it out there, and never having the chance to write what was going being i seem to always be in unforsaken storm of nothing but drama and bullshit that seems to always be brought to me and in my home..,..So it’salways literally and i not of you can even imagine this….someone comes to me, “NEEDING’ me or “NEEDING MY HELP’ OR “NEEEDING TO GET MY ADVICE’ IT’S ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS I CAN TELL YA..”NEEDING” ME ….thats one person, then RIGHT before im finally getting this person and this situation taken care of…LOW AND BEHOLD FIVE MORE PEOPLE “NEEEDINGGGG MEEE OHHH I NEED YOU ROGUE” AT ONE TIME….I NEVER SEEM TO BE ABLE TO EVEN TO GET CLOSE TO MY NEEDS…MUCH LESS TALKING ABOUT THIS…but SEE HERE’S THE THING…SEEMS TO BE PART OF THIS CURSE SOMEHOW…the bombarding of people and t he needs and this storms…ok)
First Picture: my make up was out of my make up bag, on the counter in my bathroom, when i was getting dressed this morning for a visit. i went into the bathroom, put it all back into my make up bag, to bring everything and get ready sitting at my kitchen table. When i went put everything out of my make up bag to start putting my make up, THIS IS WHAT I FOUND!!!! ummm yea….THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANYTHING THAT WOULDVE PUT THAT THERE ON MY POWEDER!! i DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING BLACK ON MY FINGERS THATS A THUMB PRINT, MATTER OF FACT, ITS WAS BOTH MY BLUSH AND POWDER CASES, I JUST DIDNT TAKE a picture of my blush case.
Second Picture: Well I can tell you, that feather, WAS NOT LIKE THAT, POINTING DOWN LIKE THAT, the meaning behind that….again….is desecrate like has been done SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE….LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN….
What Happened Nov 8th, 2019 (Starting to show the pattern)
To understand what it is that REALLY is happening, like i said, you cant see this as “bitching” im trying to show a pattern, cause this is kind of shit that happens all the time, therefore never being able to explain all of this..somehow choas is brought to my home and to me and im always cleaning up after this kind of stuff happens…its a pattern. this dude first emailed me about SUBSCRIPTION at 4:44 pm, when he kept asking “how much for two vids” i wouldnt answer him like he wanted me to. and had been all along acting he was gonna get the membership. well he got an attitude because i told him to go to the website, he said “thanks for your time” yea…thats that normal attitude thats given when i dont hold your hands well anyways, i chewed him out, he finally went and looked came back bought a set, was totally amazing, wanted another set, so i was selling the newest set…..ummm somehow i cant figure out he was able to get into other shit, I CANT FIGURE IT OUT, i got woke up at 9:30pm with him telling me he was dumbass he deleted the 13 min vid and to resend ….
ummm to make this long story short….I WASTED 5 HOURS AFTER THIS TO TRY TO FIGURE WTF HE DID AND HOW HE DID …BETWEEN 9:20 AND 9:21 HE DELETED A WHOLE FOLDER OF VIDS FROM MY DESKTOP WITH SITE PERMISSIONS SET AND SET TO ONLY VIEW, MEANING YOU CAN DOWNLOAD, AND I HAD CHECKED ALL THIS BEFORE I SENT THE LINK TO HIM!!!
He wouldnt answer back after sending 9 emails to him about him fucking shit up and not figuring how he did it, THE ONLY THING THAT HE HAS COME BACK AND TELL ME, THE NEXT NIGHT, TONIGHT, IS “YOU SUCK” ….WHY DO I SUCK FOR YOU GETTING BUSTED AND ULTIMATELY PAYING ME TO GET BUSTED AND NOT GETTING THAT VID????
Now let me mention here, that the last couple of days on twitter when i talk aobut this i get exhausted, i was so exhausted, i fell out on the couch with a cigerette and woke up to my hair burning on the top of my head…its like someone snaps their fingers and im OUT like hypnotized or something ok…and the email above is what i got woke up to…this is a pattern i promise you it is….differnt faces, different people, same pattern, i pass out, and woke up to disaster one disaster after another just watch ...heres the thing about the above, the folder that i had for twitter and spiritual stuff…was deleted also that had been on my desktop, so this what i believe real deal is was that particular folder