Whipping Post 2: Personal

ya know the purpose of me having someone that i see personally is to be reminded that there’s actually decent men still out there. something to actually look forward. ya know the total opposite of what i deal with, with work. cause theres so much abuse with work. and this man WAS that for me. but in the end he ended up being, for me…worse than clients. he was the only thing that kept me from losing all hope in men. he was the only thing i had to be a reminder thanall men dont hurt women all the time,i loved him for many reasons, its wasnt about just loving him, he kept the belief in men for me…there was so much to this for me, that he doesnt realize. and i wasnt allowed to feel the emotion, so in the end it was so much to me becasue that was the last i had that i was holding to in men…and then ONTOP, you men just had to pick this weekend to show your asses, which just made me really convinced that theres not ONE JUST ONE FUCKING MAN OUT THERE THATS GOT DAMN DECENT. its way deeper for me than any one of you realize just dont know how important to me it was to know ONE MAN JUST ONE THAT WAS DECENT, it didnt matter if he was married, ALL THAT MATTER TO ME, IS THAT HE RESPECTED ME, TREATED ME DECENT, ALL I ASK, AND IN THE END, THATS WHAT MAKES IT WORSE, to not be allowed to show emotion for honesly…simply cuz he had shown different at one time. it was way more than what he realized. im totally convinced now, thats not one decent man out there.

I feel very violated from that married man I feel very very violated I feel very dirty. He took my vulnerability and did not care he got what he wanted and left me like I am now I felt very fucking just I can’t even express in words what I feel I won’t ever make the mistake I’ve trusted a man ever again he took what I felt for him and not only did he destroy it but he did a whole lot more than that he went further I want to hate him I want to hate him so bad I do I hate him for what he did to me I hate him when I’ve tried and tried to be humble I know I hate him .I hate that he came knocking at my door 2 seconds after I caved in 2 sec I swear to you 2 seconds.

He can a man tell me he said he just got there at my parking lot know he’s he had been in my parking lot I don’t know how long but he didn’t just get there without us Ally. I love it because I feel it in my gut I know it was a lie. He should have been man enough to just stay I’m done but no he wanted to get his dick wet.

So he made sure he was going to do just that too.

I can’t scrub and bathe myself enough to get the dirty feeling in the filthy feeling off of me. And you men want to know what’s wrong with me??? you treating me like this

I may be crying wolf and you better be tired of the way I talk and the way I’m treating repeat myself but God damn it I’m tired of being treated like this then I would stop talking about it but y’all treat me like worsted weight worse way worse than dirt I can’t handle it no more I think he was the last straw I can’t do it

I feel very raped but in a consensual way he made it to work in such a way that’s manipulation at its finest because he he put me in the position he asked me what he says or would you want me to leave well I guess not you just showed up at my door unexpectedly by I guess you know you wanted to be here God damn man I feel very violated by that man very fucking violated I hate him themore I realized the manipulation the more I feel filthy and dirty the more I hate him

Which is so sad because I had unconditional love for that man and he turned it into filthy violation just gross feeling just gross just all three fronts and dirty manipulated and now I hate as much as I love you. That’s bad that’s that’s bad it’s really bad I had so much unconditional love I had so much unconditional love for all of you clients y’all have turn that into just pure hurt to just hurt all I do is sit and cry literally this is all I do is cry cuz y’all always all the time and it doesn’t matter so I don’t know what to do. I don’t have no feelings. My feelings I have is it’s all these bad feelings. That men make me feel because I’m just no good I’m nothing but I’m not worth anything more than a pincushion a whipping post in the ragdoll that’s it thrown on the bus from the garbage after you’re done using me that’s it

I don’t know how to feel anything else how can I feel anything else I’m always a whipping post just to be a laughingstock for you your amusement at my expense I don’t know how to be anything else.

I’m donewith writing I explaining why here it is you got the last of it I just don’t want no more I don’t have it no more I just I’m tired. I feel too filthy and dirty and violated

OK FINE, ILL SUBMIT, ILL SHUT THE FUCK UP, SUBMIT AND TAKE MY FUCKING ABUSE LIKE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL IS SUPPPOSED TO ! i swear, no matter what way ive turned, tried, fought etc, non of it matters, i dont get to eat for however long because ive pissed yall off because i fight against being treated wrong, or i dont get to eat due to time wasters taking all my time, and i cant fucking make non of you happy

so i guess im just gonna fucking let all of you do whatever to me, my life my business all of it, just do whatevr you do it anyways fine IM TIRED, IM JUST TIRED, IM TIRED OF FIGHTING ABOUT JUST WANTING TO BE TREATED DECENT AND RIGHT, IM JUST TIRED. SO THERE YOU WIN

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error: Stop Trying To Steal My Shit!! LOL
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